Hello my lovelies,
I'm writing to tell you all at once that I'm a mess and a half. These past few weeks I've been feeling the numbness wash over me. I've literally been doing nothing for the past little while. I sleep in all day until I have to go to work. I typically wear pajamas until like 4 in the afternoon. I haven't showered in ages. I just have no motivation. I remember at the end of kaleo my word of prayer was that I would be intentional. That has come back and slapped me in the face. When I get sad I typically do nothing. I deprive myself of the things I love. I haven't been reading, listening to music, writing, or hanging with friends. I really don't know whats wrong. I'm just really really sad.
I'm starting to doubt what we had at Kaleo. I'm wondering if I was ever loved or if I loved you guys and it hurts. All of it.
I feel like I'm being wasted. I could be doing things with my time and I could truly be living but I just don't know how right now. I also feel like I need to fake it in front of my family cause they've seen so much change in me so I can't go back to my old self...
Anyway, I guess I'm saying I need prayer. Sorry I've been distant. Sorry I haven't written letters. I wish I could hug you all.
3 comments:
Anna, I appreciate your honesty with us. Don't doubt that what happened at Kaleo wasn't real. It totally was, and I can see that the change in you was genuine. Even though we weren't the closest at Kaleo, you are a treasure to me. I have never meant anyone like you (and I mean that in a good way). I think there are very few days that goes by that you don't pop into my mind. Thinking of you and I will be praying for you. :) Love you!
Hey Anna, I would love to talk with you! The other Anna and I were going to skype you this evening, and then it got too late (darn time zones!). Please call or text or whatever so we can connect. I wish I had done so earlier!!
Ah I don't know what to say because I suck with words but Anna, I love you. And know I (along with a lot of others) am praying.
Yeah, your family has seen change in you and is proud of you for it, but change does not mean perfection. Pleeeeease be honest with them and tell them that, despite the good things, you're still going through a rough time. It makes sense. It's logical, based on the circumstances of going from Kaleo to home, that you'd get to this kind of place. So they'll understand if you tell them and won't be any less proud of you or think you've reverted back to your old self. Because you haven't.
I just want to talk to you and give you a hug. I know most words I type here will be basically meaningless. But I'm praying, and encourage you to do so as well.
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