Crooked Souls Trying To Stay Up Straight

Hey guys!

Well to say the least life has been somewhat normal. I went to YC Alberta as a "youth leader" this last weekend. To be honest, I think I am past the stage of really enjoying YC but I found some of the workshops really good and informational and seeing some of our youth kids excitement was very encouraging and exciting to me. I think of how Paul talks about spiritual milk, that is what YC mostly is, and I don't need spiritual milk anymore, I need something more nourishing for my stage. Speaking of the workshops.... for you who don't know Bobby Bailey is one of the co-founders of Invisible Children, an non-profit organization. He did a workshop and... I actually got to meet and talk with him a little! It was so exciting for me, so I guess that makes me a social justice geek, haha.

In other news, for those who were wondering my first social justice night went really well I may even say a success. 13 people came, but from barely any advertising and from a church of 50 people, I think it was a really good turn-out. It was also a wide age range, which was also so encouraging and wonderful. I plan on doing another this coming sunday. Keep praying!

Love you all so much,

Lynnea

P.S. Bret and Joje, I saw/heard Jon Foreman sing Shadow Proves the Sunshine, made me think of you two.

Bry-guy gets dunked!

As you all know, Bryan got baptized yesterday. Before the service started, he turns to me and goes "So you're videotaping, right? And posting it on the blog?" So that's what I did/am doing!

Without further ado, here's Bryan getting dunked.

Well, maybe a little more ado: since this is a post about Bryan, might as well say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRY-BRY! WE LOVE YOU LOTS!

Getting There!

Hey! I love reading everything that shows up here! Please keep it coming. The Yearbook is nearing its first draft. Quick question: Does anyone have photos from the Ministry Trip Overnights we did (Mystic Beach, Ucluelet, Victoria)? Also, any photos from your church ministry? And, we could use a few more photos from grad. Anything you have (full-size originals, please), can be emailed to me. Thanks! Once we are away from here, I will give you a full update on us!

Michael...why are you skiing??

Ok, so do we all remember the beautiful time at Mount Washington when we discovered that Michael has a twin? Well, as I was walking downtown in Victoria, I looked across the street, and right in front of me was the Michael Bayus lookalike!!! So of course I followed him... and tried to take a picture on my phone. But I only managed to get the back of his head. Wow, i'm really creepy... but anyways! . Ahahaha. It made me laugh, and I thought I'd share it with you guys!

Love you all so much!!

Out Loud

My dear Kaléo family,

Well, I’m just going to pretend like this is one of those great chapels after reading break or Christmas break or the mission trips when we all sat together and shared stories of the happenings of our lives and the great things that God has been doing. Over the past few weeks I have often thought of writing a post, but have evidently continued to be silent on the blog, thinking of everything I want to tell you guys in my head but failing to express it… haha, it’s like in chapel when Jim would ask us a question or want us to share or pray and there would be those first few silent moments when many of us had something we could share, but just continued to sit there. That’s me and the lack of blog posts. But I have just remembered Jim’s famous words: “out loud.” :) Oh. Right.

My time since being home has been different than I expected in several ways. First, it took far longer than I had hoped to get a job… about four weeks and nearly 40 resumes/applications. It was pretty discouraging at times, as I knew the summer was short and I desperately need the money for school in the fall. However, the Lord had a plan even in this. Because I wasn’t working yet, I was able to go on a short spontaneous trip to Medicine Hat with my older brother to pick up the rest of his things from his apartment. I was able to have a most delightful dinner with Joce and Lynnea, which was SUCH a blessing. Also, my cousin Kathleen from Edmonton came back with us and spent a few days here, which I desperately needed, as “hanging out with friends” has become nearly a foreign concept to me here at home. And, in His perfect timing, the Lord was faithful to provide work for me. I began a week and a half ago at Mark’s Work Wearhouse here in Vernon. I really enjoy the job- and, praise the Lord, my manager is a strong believer in Christ! There are three of us who are Christians at work- so we’re praying for the other twelve! Due to Mark’s being part-time, I am looking for a full-time job to add on top so I can save up more money for school. I’ve been reading through James the last couple of weeks and the Lord placed James 2:18 as a sort of theme verse for me at work: “I will show you my faith by what I do.” I want to work as unto the Lord, even in retail… and I pray that people will see Christ in me. Already, I’ve received a lot of comments about people seeing something different in me- I just pray that, through conversations and my actions, their eyes will be pointed towards Christ.

Friends-wise, things have been difficult. As someone who was homeschooled and attends a small church, I really had one core group of friends here in Vernon. There were four of us from church who would hang out almost every Sunday together and often during the week as well. My parents considered all three of them an adopted part of our family. However, due to a girlfriend, Bible school, and other circumstances, I don’t have that (though, praise the Lord, Sandra comes home today from Bible school and will be home for a couple of weeks before heading off to camp for the entire summer). I haven’t checked out any young adults Bible study groups yet, which is entirely my fault. It’s hard, as I have no connections with other churches and know that I may not be able to commit to another evening thing if I am working two jobs.

I’ve been attending/helping lead our very small youth group (eesh. That reminds me- I need to plan tomorrow night’s event!). This is really the only “social” thing outside of work I do all week. Pretty pathetic, I know. And everyone there is in grade 11 or younger. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to/made the effort to do the mentoring outside of youth that I was hoping to do; hopefully that will happen soon.

Even in all of this, the Lord has blessed me in an incredible way: He has given me an amazing family that I love to spend time with. As Meghan pointed out to me in a recent phone call when I was complaining about my severe lack of community, my family is my community. Honestly, I am so blessed. I hoped coming home for the summer that I would build deeper relationships with my family and this is happening. I’ve been able to have long theological discussions with my daddy or go sit on his lap (yeah… I still do that) after work and tell him about my day. I’ve been able to cook and pray with my mom and I just love talking to her about what’s going on. I’ve been able to go on walks and out for breakfast and on a road trip with my older brother. My younger brother and I have made it a habit of going on walks together when we both have time – this is our “deep brother-sister talk” time. We’ve also been able to sing and play piano/guitar together. Whenever I get discouraged about how I literally have no life outside of my home, I praise the Lord that I have my family inside my home. I love them so much.

I want to leave you guys with some verses from Hebrews: “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for He who promised is faithful. Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Pursue Christ, my Kaléo family. I’ve been experiencing too how tough that can be at home. And I know it’s a struggle to hold onto what we’ve learned this past year rather than slipping back into old habits and mindsets. It’s a battle raging. Christ is the giver of strength and life. We desperately need to pursue Him. And… as a family, we need to be like Moses’ friends and hold one another’s arms up when they are too weary to fight.

So, my dear brothers and sisters, I have to apologize for not being very good at keeping in touch. I regularly check the blog…haha, maybe too regularly. And I do read all of what’s been going on in your lives and, as I read, I share in the joys and tears and frustrations you have experienced since being home. Kaleos, I do miss you dearly. Thank you for being more faithful than me at updating us on life! And for those of you who, like me, feel like you don’t really have anything too amazing or important to share… SHARE! Write a blog post. Although you may feel like what you have to say isn’t important and nobody cares, we most definitely do… so… if you have some time right now, start writing:)

I love you all!

Brents Epic Adventure

Hey everybody! I pray that you all are doing well, and have transitioned from Kaleo smoothly! This next week for me is a huge transition for me, into.. Africa! Whoop whoop! Never thought i would be going there.. anyways, I will be going to missionary school at an orphanage. Its kinda like an apprenticeship for missionaries. Get a big pot and throw in bucket showers, hole-in-ground-toilet, hand wash laundry, dancing, worship, heidi baker, and 250 people from around the world- and you have Harvest School! Anyways, I would appreciate your prayers, as this will be a growing period for me, as well as it could be my door into full time missions (not sure yet..).

And, if you are curious, check out my blog at authenticloveneverfails.blogspot.com which I will try to update while I am down there! Thanks, love yall! -Brent

Yesterday...God Makes All Things New :)

K this is a little weird because barely any of my friends have seen my house but Kaleo family, here is what God has done for me.

Before:





After:



YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS VIDEO OF THE REVEAL!
ANOTHER VIDEO!

INDIA IS ALL OVER MY ROOM KALEOOOOS!!!

This is not even close to all of the house and how amazing it is but the best part is that before we looked at the house my mom asked us to all pray and I prayed and thanked God for grace and working things for the good and after we looked all around our house my mother said to the camera crews this is "amazing... amazing grace" and then she looked at me. She also said right after that "PRAISE THE LORD!"

Me and Shannon pretty much jumped for joy after hearing this together!

Praise him :)

I frickin miss all of you

The Grochowski's are famous

Today was the day that Sarah's family moved back into their house after the "home makeover". You'll have to ask her for more details but basically, they have been pampered like crazy the last 10 days while a bunch of people repaired and made-over their entire house. It was really cool to be there and watch them drive in like celebrities, a ton of cameras and mics, and the hundreds of people out to see the finished house and the family's reaction. Before showing the house, the Pastor of the church that set it all up prayed for them, and it was sweet to see the incredible (and highly publicized) things God is doing with Sarah's family.

I suck at both photography and cinematography, but here are a couple photos and a video you should all check out anyway :)

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video link: http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150256747945663

Being Imitators of Christ

I still have the big picture of us all on my computer background. Every time I open my computer, which is way more than it should, I get to see you guys! Hurray! As I look at the picture I see it as a family picture. You know the one with all your cousins and what not and how it never is “perfect”. That’s the beauty of this picture. We are all not looking at the same place or have the same smile or expression. We are family. And we learned what a family is. We became brothers and sisters and as I reflect on this picture, it is beautiful.

So I’ve been thinking of posting on the blog for a while. I have been very reluctant to do so, which is the story of my life right now. I am reluctant to go see people or go out because I don’t want to see someone I know. I have really put myself in a box which isn’t very fun or smart. So yeah as I have been reluctant to see people I have also been reluctant to post on this blog. This post is not to tell you whats going on my life, rather it’s to give encouragement and to know that we are beloved sons and daughters of our Father.

For the past couple of Sundays my pastor has been doing a sermon series on what it means to be a New Creation. It has been such a renewal to listen to these sermons. As I have been listening to them I have been thinking of Kaleo. And it hit me that this whole new creation idea has been the theme of what Kaleo is. I know some may be annoyed of this, but we learned what grace is this year. We learned what it means to have grace from God. We all came with our own baggage and this year we got to witness new creation, a transformation in our lives. For some this year became the start of their walk with God, for others it has been a renewal, for others it has been about putting the pieces of a puzzle together. We have become new creations in Christ this year. I know it has been hard for some people to go back home. Know that you are a new creation and that is what happened at our short time with one another. We learned what it means to live in community, what it means to have healthy relationships, what it means to be a dearly beloved child of God, what it means to have a soft heart, and what it means to surrender.

The passage that my pastor preached on this morning was Ephesians 5:1-21. He said for some that this passage is just a list of do’s and do not’s. God really sets the bar high in this passage. We are told by Paul to not even have a hint of sexual immorality or even a hint of Greed. We cannot put our needs ahead of God’s. It is sometimes hard to figure out what God intends for us. We can never beg perfect. We are, what Cal says, Spiritual bankrupt failures. Sometimes when I ask God for things it is for my own intentions. It is not any easy thing to measure up to what God wants. It is impossible to do so. Yet we learned that God has Grace. He has Grace for broken sinners as us. It is through God and only God that we have eternal life. He chose us, we did not choose him. No where in the Bible does it say its going to be easy. We are not called to live comfortable lives. We have a God who can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or do.

Paul begins this chapter by reminded us that we are beloved children of God. We are called to live a life of Love as Christ had love for us. Paul then goes on by telling us not to have a hint of greed, etc. It is about imitating the ONE who loves us. God sees us as holy, beautiful people because of what Christ has done. We are called to live up to what God sees us as. This year we gave each other a new name. We talked and prayed about what we see in one another. God sees us as his creation, as his children, we are God’s love. It is amazing. In Ephesians 3:17-19, Paul prays for Christians so that they may have the power to know how deep, how wide, and how long the love of Christ is because it surpasses all knowledge. God has created us for so much more. He has an intense love for us.

Back to Ephesians 5, Paul goes on to say that we were once darkness. Verse 8 Paul says we were once darkness and we are now LIGHT. This Light exposes darkness. Jesus was a light to the dark world and he exposed darkness. The battle is already one. We are called to be imitators of Christ. We live in the light with Jesus. So often we get caught up in so much crap. The world is trying so hard to extinguish the light that is in our hearts. Left right and centre we are being pulled into what the world wants. So often we do quite the opposite than exposing darkness, rather we often mirror what culture wants. We are not shining, we are reflecting. We have to LIVE up to what God already sees in us. God created us. He has a plan for us. We are not called to be comfortable in this world. We need to shine God’s light, His love, not reflect what the world wants for us.

Verse 14 says “ Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. We are called to wake up. We have put the old self to death. We have to remember that we are new creations and we are called to wake up and reflect the love of Christ not to reflect and mirror what the world wants us to do. WE are to be in the world not of it. As we move on to new things don’t go back into old ways. Do not put yourself in the box. I know it is hard. I struggle too. Paul reminds us that we are not alone. When no one wants to hear about kaleo don’t be discouraged for God loves what you have done this past year. He delights in us when we glorify his name. He has so much joy when we begin to know that we are new creations and that we have new life with Christ. Paul encourages not only the Christians of his time but also now. Paul is encouraging us to know that we are not alone. We have the power of the Holy Spirit. He tells us to be filled with the Holy Spirit. WE are not alone. We have communities of believers. God has not and never will leave us. When times get tough, I pray that you will persevere. James talks about this. We are going to go through trials but it is a testing of our faith. Persevere and know that God has won the battle and know we have a future with God. We need to see Christ through scripture and through people to know how beautiful he is and how beautiful it is to be an imitator of him. We are called to be imitators of God’s own son. Take Joy in this my brothers and sisters.

I admit that I have not always been praying for you. I have a new sense of motivation. I’m going pray for you guys so much more. I love you guys!


- mike

Freedom Reigns!

Hey guys. If you're interested, the concert went really well last night. Mr. Joel Krahn took photos so maybe I'll jack some off him later. It was a small crowd, but the night was a lot of fun. Both musicians were reeeeally good, and the speakers were very inspiring and informative. One was a lady whose daughter was trafficked five years ago, and hearing her personal story and getting to know her was such a privilege. And I'm so thankful for Bret for emceeing (and doing a fantastic job, at that). Bret, Janet, and myself had a good time together - it was a bit of a mini road trip. It was so sweet to see Bryan last night as well :)

I'm now chilling at my friend's place in Burnaby. She left early this morning to go up north for awhile so it's just me and her parents right now. My plan is to stick around to be at Sarah's family's "Reveal Party" for their house on Monday then head back to work in Vic. On that note, I'm working on getting another job. MEC is great, just not enough hours. I'm rather reluctant to be working two jobs, as I want to pace myself and not burn myself out with busyness. However, I am basically screwed for finances, and it is simply the responsible thing to do to work more. I've been super stressed about money lately.. which is very unneccessary, I'm aware. I constantly have a battle in my head about saving versus generosity. If I am to go to Briercrest in the fall, along with Bret and Heids and many others, the Lord is going to have to majorly provide. And I'm learning that I need not hold every cent with a tight fist, rather continue to be generous and trust that he will provide for this if he wants it for me. It's a work in progress. Writing it down like this helps, I think. Prayer does too.

On another note, my head has been all over the place lately. I feel like I'm just not "in it". And I'm not even on any drugs (prescription or otherwise :P). I've been constantly praying that I will be able to focus on the present and on my purposes for living as I float through life here. So far, not so good. I think there's something in my mind/brain/whatever currently inhibiting me from being "present". It sucks for social interactions, as I am SO distracted around everybody and anybody, when I want to focus and listen and speak clearly and love people by paying attention to them. Alongside this is old inner battles raging in my psych daily. I can never relax, always have to fight to keep my head "above water", so to speak - referring to depression/anxiety/self-hate issues. If you anyone asks how I'm doing, I can honestly answer that I'm doing well. But only because of the Lord's grace in sustaining me and giving me the strong conviction that it is my choice to be "okay" or not. I desperately want to be okay because then I can serve God and people in this broken world, instead of drowning in myself and my desires to opt out of this life and peace it to heaven right now. But yeah, it's a fight. I know I'm not the only one that has to constantly fight so hard. But I need to be able to rest, in the holistic sense of the word, or I know I won't make it much longer. I feel like I'm consistently hanging on by a thread. Is the rest of my life going to be that way? At the moment, the lack of being fully "in it" may be due to me being in a state of expectancy/waiting. Just waiting for the thread to snap, because it's gotta be just about to.

Y'all probably skimmed through everything I just said, which is fine. I just read back over it too and it's pretty rambly and complicated-sounding. It's just very helpful for me to be able to attempt to get some of those thoughts out in writing but I apologize if I have wasted your time.

I used to hate asking for prayer, considered it selfish. But I've changed (in more ways than just this). Can you pleeease pray that I can rest, that I won't have to continue to constantly fight for my life to just be "okay". I miss living with people. I mostly miss you guys... well... many of you, anyway :)

And can you guys also join me in thanking and praising him for answering prayers last night with the concert, and that his name was glorified. It really was.

Enjoy your long weekend, guys!

It's On....Like Donkey Kong?

Well rather than being sunburned (....Meghan), I am mosquito bitten and with a large blister on my thumb....yuck. I am worn down but I just keep telling myself it's for my education and then I feel a little better. What I am posting to tell you wonderful people about is that my social justice movie night is on! My pastor and I have figured everything out -well, mostly everything- and the first one will be this upcoming Sunday night. We will be filming Invisible Children. So I ask that you would be praying for this outreach opportunity and that I am not a mumbling fool in front of everyone, haha. Merci!

Found (sort of)

I think God has a sense of humour. Two weeks ago I could barely find things in order to keep myself busy and was getting frustrated with my inability to find a job. Well I found one doing landscaping with a company that I had worked with during my time doing irrigation and now I barely have time for anything but eat and sleep.

My days usually consist of getting up before 6am every morning getting to work, working, and then getting home usually after 6 pm. The next few hours are spent relaxing and eating as much as possible so that I will have energy for the next day then in bed by 9 or so. My days are usually quiet as everyone that I work with are from Holland and only my boss and a few others speak english.

I would appreciate prayer for strength and endurance. These are hard, long working days and my body is not in work condition. As well I have been getting sun rashes all up and down my arms that basically make my arms look like they have blisters all over them (its very itchy and inhibiting my work).

But that's pretty much life right now. Love you all!

- Bryan

Hey there... I know its been a while...

So its finally all warm and sunny over here, praise be to God! And my life is starting to even look a little more brighter. Before I get started here's just a little update on my life... As you may know that I am upgrading my high school credits and working at Sushi Harbour for the summer, although I have never been this poor in so long I don't know what to do with myself to get money. Sushi isn't going as well as I had hoped as in I'm not getting many hours meaning hardly any money and no pay check until the end of the month. I also love you all and am finally starting to miss you all (sorry it took me so long) and reading every ones blog posts are just amazing and make me cry and praise God all at the same time!

After leaving our community of Kaleo I focused my efforts on building my relationship with Taylor and his family. He has now been gone tree planting for almost three weeks and I tell you, I have never missed a person that much in my whole life. Its been hard because he is out in the middle of nowhere so he only FB messages me once a week and I'm pretty sure he forgot his power cord for his computer so he is conserving power for the hole summer, and the messages I receive are no longer than 3 or 4 sentences. Sorry guys, I'm not telling you all this because I am engaged, but because I feel like I am so spiritually under attack like I have never been before.

Obviously I was sad when he left because 4 months is a long time to not see each other and we already felt like we didn't see each other enough this year. I felt more than just sadness; death, fear and doubt, a shadow that was constantly lingering around me. It felt like something bad was about to happen all the time and I could feel death, as weird as it sounds, it was heavy and dark. Everything I read or watched on T.V. had something to do with dieing. Lies filled my head at night and I would cry for hours as I struggled to find sleep. I even stopped eating which is unfathomable to me since I love food so much! Its been a battle to shake Satan off of me these past couple weeks, I know that none of this was from God and as I lied crippled by fear crying out to God, I could feel Him watching me but not saving me. On Saturday I finally broke down in front of Taylor's family and the support I got from them was amazing. But the darkness had not left me.

It is hard to explain. I think its because I'm in a really vulnerable state and when your already down that's when the enemy kicks you. Things have been better for almost two days now but I would appreciate your prayers so this thing won't come back. God is so good! I am really excited for this summer and don't know what to expect but God has been hinting at some pretty amazing things.
MUCH LOVE + MANY BLESSINGS

briercrest update

dear family,

well, it's been a strange few weeks. for those of you who have been messaging me, i apologize for the slow, vague, or non-apparent replies. so many things have been going on and at the end of the day i barely have the incentive to brush my teeth before bed, much less give you all the replies your messages to me deserve. for this i apologize.

i spoke to my parents last friday night about briercrest. i didn't mean to, it just came up (for some reason the important parental talks are ALWAYS the ones the sneak up on you ... AMIRIGHT???). this was the same day my car got towed and i didn't have the money to bail it out, so they had to do it; needless to say they weren't very impressed seeing me have to borrow more money and then spring briercrest on them. but it happened and i could go on for a long time about specific things they said. instead i will give you the nub and gist of it. they basically told me i was an adult and i could do what i wanted, but if i decided to go it would be without their support.

my dad said a lot of ridiculous and hurtful things throughout the conversation, things like "god isn't real," "kaleo is over," "everything you've ever had the ability to enjoy has been because of me and everything i've done for you," "you're running away from your problems," "you'll come out of it with a useless degree." okay, it doesn't sound as bad when i write it out, but it was pretty nasty when it was coming out of his mouth. i cried and cried (as usual these days). i'm pretty sure i also explained the gospel to him in a desperate attempt to try and get him to understand where i was coming from, but i don't really remember what i said. and the whole time my mom just sat there, quiet, like she always does when my dad acts up. she refuses to stand up for me, for the faith, for HER faith, around my dad. it makes me really sad to see.

the conversation ended with me telling them i'd consider going to UVic but briercrest was the only place i wanted to be.

after a lot of phone conversations with jim, wes, june clark (dave's stepmom, who is randomly really good friends with my dad AND really good friends with jesus AND works at briercrest), and other people who both know and love myself and the lord, as it has been affirmed again, and again, and again, i have made my decision, and i will be at briercrest in the fall.

i'm picking up a second job for the rest of the summer and most of the money from my current job is going to my parents to pay them back for kaleo. while i'm at briercrest i will be working part-time and wes is trying to see if i'm eligible for any more scholarships. i'm still unsure if i'm eligible for student loans as the application for the 2011-2012 school year does not become available until june 1st, but let's keep praying that i am. otherwise the lord is going to have to be reeeeeal creative in helping me figure out how i'm going to pay for my degree!!

last night, i let my parents know what i decided to do. i explained to them that it was time for me to live life, and i love them so much and am so thankful for how abundantly they have provided for me throughout my life, but i needed to cut financial ties and learn how to be a real independent person. the thing is, i COULD go to UVic next year; my mom WOULD still buy me new shoes and new jeans whenever i wanted, and she would pay for whatever special groceries i requested (mostly almond milk and smoked tofu, stuff the rest of my family doesn't really like!); my dad and UVic WOULD pay for my entire education, and i could work part time throughout the schoolyear and save it all and honestly live a pretty comfortable life.

but if there's one thing kaleo taught me, it's that a comfortable life is not what i desire anymore. it's not what the lord has for me.

like i was reminded of again and again throughout the course of this year: god is not safe, but he is good.

yes, i realize i will literally live off instant oatmeal next year because i will be literally poor. my parents won't be there to bail me out when my car gets towed, or lend me money when i want a new guitar, or buy my groceries for me. i realize my shoes will get holes in them and the knees of my pants will get worn and there won't be a whole lot more i will be able to do than take a needle and some yarn and patch those babies up (superglue for the shoes). but i could not be more EXCITED! i am becoming a REAL HUMAN BEING. finally!!!!

and you know what my mom said with tears in her eyes? "i don't want you to go because i'm not ready for you to go. i don't want my kids to leave me yet, but i can see that you need to go." and you know what my dad said? "bret, i understand that you need to do this."

so this whole ordeal did not happen the way i expected: with the money from the education fund my parents have for me, with their total blessing, with their purchasing of my flight to saskatchewan. nope, i'm on my own, and i'm a total pauper, but i couldn't be happier. my brother even gave me one of his electric guitars and his blues junior (it's an amp) and said, "you'll need this if you want to study music."

i love him a lot.

i love my whole family a lot, and we hurt each other, but there is a lot of love there, and that surpasses all. i have hope for them.

i have peace about next year.

thank you all for your prayers, please don't let them stop, they are sustaining me, they are changing the hearts of my family, and they are bringing me to where i need to be.

lynnea, heidi, meghan: WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER NEXT YEAR!!

michael, logan, erik: we sort of are i guess, but i'm pretty sure you're not allowed in my room.

your sister,

bret

Mt Washington Video

So my bro put together a video of our Mt Washington trip (the one where Tealer learned how to ski), so here it is!

http://vimeo.com/23799700

p.s. Phil ended up breaking his binding with his fall, and my backflips aren't nearly as good as my front flips haha no worries though, didn't hurt too much

My Beautiful Post-Surgery Face

Hey guys, I had my jaw surgery yesterday morning and it went well. I didn't have a fun time in the hospital cause I had to stay overnight and get pumped with morphine and fun stuff like that the whole time. As you can see I'm pretty swollen and nasty-looking, but the worst of the swelling should be going down in like 2 weeks.

words of wisdom from a certain joje

After traveling roughly 987 kilometers through the treacherous pot hole infested highways of Alberta and British Columbia, filled with agonizing hours of halting construction work, I somehow managed to make it to the mainland. (Before I continue to talk about the present, I will briefly discuss my short time at home.)

After I left all of you early in my parents truck headed back to Calgary, I stared out the window with my mascara and tear filled eyes and reflected on the time we all shared together. I realized how much of a family we truly are and how I love each and every one of you. I knew that it was right to leave and that I was prepared to depart from Kaleo which was both exciting and nerve wrecking. When I eventually arrived home, I went to my room and slept. I allowed myself three days of doing absolutely nothing. I cried myself to sleep those three nights because I missed you all so much. After those three days, my sobbing ended, I smartened up and began preparation for my awaited return to BC. I helped out around the house to make things easier for my parents, did errands, unpacked (after a week), packed again and saw a couple of my friends. I watched my little brothers basketball games and realized that he was no longer my cute little brother who enjoyed basketball. He is an amazing athlete and I admire how dedicated he is to his passion. Unfortunately, I did not spend much time with my older brother. I saw him here and there but we don't get along like we used to and that was and still is a very difficult concept for me to grasp.

Being at home was generally uncomfortable. I felt like my family didn't know me. Home should be a place where you feel safe and secure and where I had once felt that, I no longer could feel. I guess you could say I locked myself up in my room for a while avoiding any contact from outsiders. I avoided trips to town in case I saw someone I knew. Obviously thats not how I should deal with things, but I did.

The moment I crossed over the BC border, I felt so free. Since I was young BC had always been a safe place for me, and it still is to this day. I can't explain it, but it just feels like home as cliche as that sounds. My mom drove up with me and I dropped her off at the Tawassa ferry terminal. Then I went to Steve's house for a night. I am currently at Holly's house and am so blessed to be here. I spent the evening with Michael Bayus and Kwon. It was so fun to be back with my friends. I felt so comfortable to be myself around them and not have to worry.

I am looking forward to working at camp this summer, and seeing what God will do in my life and through me.

I love you all!

Jojo

P.S. Any good short Bible verses?

EXTREME HOME REPAIR

Today started out hectic and embarassing. Three interviews from different newspapers with no time inbetween, one newspaper was even representing our whole province. I hated publicity, somehow I associated every camera with corruption and never saw the greatness that came out of today until now. I never let my self trust God and know that He brings good out of every thing. Romans 8:28 tells us that "and we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God." As I was asked questions by reporters and hosts, I thought about how Jim had told me that it was awfully rare for this media attention to happen to people, and that when it does happen I have an overwhelming opporunity. I had a chance to share my heart and involve Christ in a real way! My whole family was captured by photographers and cameras filming our every move.

Now the most important part of my day, after all the cameras were gone and a group of 4o people all prayed over my family and cheered us goodbye my Dad showered money on our family. Not because he had some to spare, he simply doesn't. This is because he no longer holds onto money as if it was his life. My mom and dad left the church because of money and today they bought my family an abundance of things, I usually don't dare to ask but today I felt spoiled. God has caused such a giving heart from my Dad simply because so much has been given to our family.

Today God was faithful again and again and again and again. I am unworthy of a God loving me the way that He does. Today my father with an overwhelming exubarence and passion told my mother and out family something along the lines of "there is no way that this was all by chance," and "God turns everything for the good" like the Bible passage that I had described to him previously. "God isn't only good to our family," my Dad said that "God is this good to everyone." Yes Dad, you have finally seen it. I agreed with Him and my Dad said "yes Sarah, you have seen it so much this year," my Dad finally accepted the miracles that happened at Kaleo and in India to be God's own doing. As I write to you in tears realizing that all it took for my Dad to break down and admit that God is good and real was absolute and utter grace. It was grace!

My Dad asked me "Why would God do this for us? How come us?" I told my Dad it was "because God is obsessed with you," that God loved him and our family so much. My Dad said "I see it," and for the rest of the day, and even now is joyful. My mother sat in silence but her heart is softening quietly just as much as my fathers is. No longer can they deny that God loves them. This pride that I had prayed for to leave, was gone, and my Dad was left with a passion for the Lord, this stubborness is now to procclaim God's reality. My brother died three years ago to add to an overwhelming list of hardships in my parents lives. This hardened their hearts and displayed to them the pain of sin among other things in the world among their hard years growing up. Now God has choosen to pour grace over everything and this has changed our lives.

In ten days, my family will receive a completely renovated house, an opporunity to talk about community and how to change our town on a TV show on Oprah's network, an upgrade in my father's position at work does to this publicity, a greater chance to win the lawsuit of David's car accident against ICBC, and complete financial counselling and help to get our family back on track in three months. Three days to prove that a lifetime of pain was the shadow that proves this sunshine.

Love you long time Kaleo Eight!

As Jim requested some media links of this story:

The Province (BC wide newspaper)

Video of my family's story for the Province(my parent's interview too!)

Aldergrove Star/Langley Times (newspaper)

The Langley Advance (newspaper)

sad days.

Hello my lovelies,

I'm writing to tell you all at once that I'm a mess and a half. These past few weeks I've been feeling the numbness wash over me. I've literally been doing nothing for the past little while. I sleep in all day until I have to go to work. I typically wear pajamas until like 4 in the afternoon. I haven't showered in ages. I just have no motivation. I remember at the end of kaleo my word of prayer was that I would be intentional. That has come back and slapped me in the face. When I get sad I typically do nothing. I deprive myself of the things I love. I haven't been reading, listening to music, writing, or hanging with friends. I really don't know whats wrong. I'm just really really sad.

I'm starting to doubt what we had at Kaleo. I'm wondering if I was ever loved or if I loved you guys and it hurts. All of it.

I feel like I'm being wasted. I could be doing things with my time and I could truly be living but I just don't know how right now. I also feel like I need to fake it in front of my family cause they've seen so much change in me so I can't go back to my old self...

Anyway, I guess I'm saying I need prayer. Sorry I've been distant. Sorry I haven't written letters. I wish I could hug you all.

Lost

Have you ever worked on a puzzle and couldn't find where it goes? You work and work at it but nothing seems to fit, you try different pieces and even try to mash it in just so it would work. Well thats the closest thing I was able to come up with to describe how my life is going. Nothing fits. My days are filled with frustration as I try and try again to find something to fill my time and some purpose in which to strive for. I can't seem to find a job no matter how hard I try for one. Community for me is non-existent which is difficult coming out of such a close group as Kaleo. I can't seem to connect with my church, I will regularly sit by myself on sundays and I tried joining a life group but nobody is filling me in as to when we meet. The inactivity is absolutely killing me and I can't do anything about it except keep trying and failing. I can't find God's will in anything or any sense of direction in my life. I feel blind and like the world is rejecting me. I remember talking with Sarah Badke and that maybe I need this rest before going back to life but how can I rest when the rest is killing me?

I fill my days working on my car, creating odd pieces of furniture that I want but don't want to buy (it's my creative side coming out), reading, listening to music and searching for jobs. Maybe hang out with friends once a week or so and of course watch the hockey games.

I guess what I'm saying is that I am totally, completely and utterly frustrated. Nothing is working for me and I have a sneaking suspicion that God has some part in it and I really wish he would let me in on what He's planning 'cause I am totally in the dark.

Anyways thanks for listening to me rant! If you could pray that something comes up for me that would great. Thanks!

Hey guys! I hope every body's summers have been going well. I've been reading the blogs here, and I am praying for both of your guys' situations Michael and Bret. I'm hoping very much to see both of you guys in the fall.
So ya, I figured I should just let you guys know how my summer has been turning out. On Monday I had applied for several jobs around Drayton, and one of the places seemed fairly interested in my resume, and the way everything was unfolding I was pretty sure I had my summer job, except that night at TaeKwonDo one of the other instructors also offered me a job working on the rigs with his company. After a day and a half of consideration, prayer, and advice from a few people, I decided to go after the oil rig job, which happens to both have its up sides and down sides. The up side is that I wont have any trouble affording my next year of school, and it sounds like I'll probably be able to be around my family and friends (unless they send me up North), but the down side is that the rigs are a dangerous place to be, both physically and spiritually. So while I am going to be striving hard over the summer to maintain a strong relationship with Christ, please continue to pray for my heart, that what I believe will be translated clearly to those around me in my actions and in my words. One of Jim's famous metaphors come to mind, about being the thermostat over the thermometer.
Anyways, that's me, both excited and anxious at this point. I hope to hear from EVERYONE over summer here, and I'll be praying for all of you!
Your Brotha from the same Fatha,

Logan

Guys, thank you so much for all of your prayers. I randomly had a day off today and spent a couple hours in prayer and it felt so good. At first I was annoyed that my boss hadn't scheduled me today because I'd be losing money that I need for school, but spending this morning before the Lord was way more valuable than anything I could have earned today.

Sorry to post twice so close together, but I really really really need you guys to be praying for my family about their decision to let me go to Briercrest. I know a lot of you found out because I can't keep my silly mouth shut when I'm excited, but Wes called me during the last week of Kaleo and offered me a $7500 dollar scholarship if I decided to attend next year. This is sort of how it happened: Wes e-mailed me and asked me to phone him a few weeks ago. I had no idea what this was about and was really nervous. But he picked up and just asked me about India, and my summer plans, etc etc. The whole time I was like "Why is Wes Olmstead calling me and asking me about my life???" But then he said the reason he wanted to talk to me was because he got the scholarship committee to rush through my application and find a scholarship for me. They found one, he said. I wasn't supposed to know until June but he knew it was pretty critical for me to know so he decided to call me and tell me I won a 3-year-long scholarship to Briercrest, $2500 a year. This was TOTALLY undeserved and makes NO SENSE apart from the Lord. Having struggled with doubt all year long, he is proving himself faithful - for the billionth time - that he is here and he loves me and he wants me at Briercrest.

Anyway I told my parents about the scholarship and they weren't very impressed. They said it must be a "big honour" with little enthusiasm, all the while I was screaming in my head YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, IT IS SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT!!! I haven't talked with them much about it since then because I don't want to pressure them and I want to give them time to process this.

This is why I need your prayers so bad right now: I didn't know there was a deadline for me to let the school know whether or not I was planning to accept the scholarship and attend Briercrest in the fall. But Wes e-mailed me just now and told me I needed to let him know by May 15th (next Sunday). This doesn't give me a lot of time to explain this gently to my parents, and it doesn't give them a lot of time to decide. I am terrified beyond belief that they will say no. I am crying just writing this because I need to go to Caronport so badly, for many reasons, but I hate who I am becoming in this city. I miss learning about Jesus and I miss being in the presence of other believers and I miss having people hold me accountable and I am so scared of who I will become if I have to stay here.

I am currently living off my tips from the coffee shop and giving every first paycheck of the month to my parents to repay them for Kaleo, and every second paycheck in my education fund for Briercrest. I hope this speaks loudly to my parents about where my priorities are and how badly I want this. Please pray that the glorious Father will give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that as I speak with my parents, they will come to know Him better. Pray that the eyes of their hearts will be enlightened so that they will know the hope to which He has called both them and myself. Pray that the enemy be struck down in his attempts to keep me from where I am 99% sure I belong (I would say 100% but I do not know the mind of God and He is confusing sometimes concerning His will for us). Pray against my own anxiety and tendency to flare up and speak to my parents harshly and disrespectfully when they are unable to understand the faith and my reasons for wanting to go to Saskatchewan next year.

I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

Love,

Bret

PS. Michael I am so sorry to be hogging the blog after your incredible post. Know that I read it with tears in my eyes and I am praying for you, brother.

An Eventful Day and a Transformation

So many Kaleos got a text from me today (if you didn't it doesn't mean I don't love you it means I don't have your phone number) to pray for me and my family. Thinks haven’t been the best since I've gotten back but today was the hardest and probably most eventful day since Kaleo Graduation, but let’s start from the begging and don't worry there is a happyish ending. Also I'm sorry about it is late and most of this is hard to get into words. Though some of this may be hard to read because my home life is complicated....

Before you start I love you all and I really need to start reading this blog, which I'll do tomorrow.

I'm sure many of you felt the same way but the moment I got hoe I pretty much felt spiritually alone, my mom is a believer but it really strange talking to her about Christ and one the first day home trying to affirm her to go further into her faith; well it didn't end too well. Than a week later my “brother” cat that likes to attack me got and of course, he started to threat suicide; the worst part is that I can't even tell if this a joke or not. By the grace of God we found the cat and diffused that situation.

Since then I've been trying to get a job to get money for Briercrest and have been unable to find anything and having no friends and nothing to have been very bored at home. However, I never see my Sobro (sister brother?) because he is always awake and different times and my mom is working super overtime because its tax time so I'm literally alone all the time. I try and help at my church and stuff but it’s just such a stale experience; I forgot how cold a church can be. Being in all this it didn't take long at all to just fall back into my old way of life again: depression, excluding myself, etc. In fact, on night I wondered if I should even bother going to Briercrest. What made this all the worse was that I felt that I was on to some big transformation at the end of Kaleo and now it was slipping through my hands and the best I tried I couldn't get it; if I even wanted it anymore. Which leads us to today

I finally got a call from someone (thank God) for a job interview. However, an argument broke out between my “brother” and my mom, and not the usually ones. Now you have to understand that my “brother” has boxes of stuff just laying around our small town house and kitty litter box in his room that almost never gets changed so it smells in this house and it’s a content source of tension; also it doesn't help my “brother” is out of a job and can't get one because a name change. I had to actually step in and pin my “brother” to the wall with my fore arm and rip my mom's hands off his throat (really unexpected). I really was ready to take him outside and beat him there though I was so angry. After a few hours of facilitating this discussion a horrible slow pace because my “brother” has the emotional maturity of a grade nine and the anger of, well, more than Stephen's rage mode, my mom called my “brother” a girl (truly by accident), however he raged harder than I've ever seen and of course all the work down the drain. After that it took a while to get him to come out of his room and of course a ton of shouting was involved. After that the discussion went all over the place; I was just trying to get them to talk to mend the relationship however I could. After a while though my “brother's” cat decided to attack me again. Now I got him really good, and yes I am bragging. I threw him in the corner, smothered him with my Kaleo hoodie and right before I drove my fist down into him (trust me I have four bleeding marks on my arm, it needed to be done) I got stopped by my “brother”. For some reason we all had a common “enemy” and then everything defused faster than I've ever seen it happen and really everything is OK again for now. However, these were the events; let me tell you the effect on me.

In the midst of feeling very alone spiritual I was trying to push this change I expressed at Mt. Washington, to stop being a hermit and start living in this world; give up the things that would keep me away from living a life fully for God. Throughout the last year God had showed what these things are in my life and he at this point exactly what they were and a taste of the life he had planned out for me but I couldn't leave my own comfort. I knew so well the life I have is death and let I wanted to cling to it. The enemy isn't trying to make me stray but to make me stay out of the game all together. However, My “brother” and me aren’t so different, we suffer from many of the same things but today it was as if I was seeing my sin personified and I knew I couldn't keep living like this if I want my life to count for anything in the kingdom. In the past few days I could feel myself moving toward this change again though but it was today that allowed it to be completed. I grew so much and learned so much at Kaleo but it took the pain of the world to learn something that I couldn't possible learn in the greenhouse. My brothers and sisters will come and go but only God will remain constant and so I did something Janet suggested to me and two of my friends at my church (Stephen Shultz and Jon Morrison) affirmed in my: don't hide behind your hair. In short, if I want to be taken seriously as an Anchor I can't keep looking like this and it has become something that was actually hindering my spiritual growth. So today, I got a haircut and it the single hardest thing I've had to do since saying good bye to you all. I felt like I was going to cry just walking into the hair dresser and it didn't help that my mom and the hair dresser went on and on about looking better; they had no idea how much of a spiritual act this was for me and I couldn’t explain but only cry out to God and wish I had someone’s hand to hold. The hair dresser even stopped me twice to ask if I was alright because I was crying (Even as I writing this I'm misting up). My mind kept going back to Jim talking about the God chiselling off parts of the marble to because what he wants it to be, and it was so hard but it needed to be done. It wasn't just a haircut but a baptism; dyeing to me; a real act of submission. My cover of safety was blown and this thing I used to find my identity in dead. So, from today May 3^rd 2011 I will be a real AIT (Anchor in Training) for God and live in this world because I saw the pain of sin and felt the need for the God and to be transformed in my life. And Hallelujah God has come through already, only an hour later I got a job as Subway, and I start tomorrow at 8 (I was running through the streets with joy). I wish you guys could have been there, I needed the support, but God will support you through all your trials and pains. Even if your flesh is torn (which I can testify to now) it is for good and do not fear. I can not really on you guys or on other believers but only on God so that when I am alone I can still be a light to the world. I love you guys but I need to find my strength from the Lord and not from man, only than can I can be like Jesus. It took the pain of the world and the split of the community to learn and surely I could have never learned this lesson had I still be in Kaleo (BTW I still love community though lol). This is the best I could contain my day in words, please pray for me and my family and tell me how I can pray for you.

REALITY SUCKS

EVERYBODY!!

So just a quick post. I have talked to many in you in recent days and my life does not need to be dictated in insane detail because it is pretty uneventful.

I am just worried because I literally have no accountability here at home. My three best friends are moving across the country for the summer and my brother is going on tour and it is really easy for me to bask in the freedom of being nineteen. Nothing too serious at all, but enough to make me lose touch with the Lord.

Old doubts are resurfacing, old personality traits that I thought I had conquered, old bad habits that I am constantly indulging and trying to justify, and just a lot of anxiety and fear that I can't place.

I know I need to find a way to have a community of believers around me here but it is honestly so hard when I work full-time and do music and stuff on the side. My church is huge and scary. I don't like going. My brother's new relationship is weird and although I love his girlfriend it is hard for me to be around the kind of person he becomes when he is dating someone. Not to mention how it has been tough befriending his new girlfriend when I somehow feel like I am betraying Blythe. I say this all only because Blake has been the only person I have been going to church with in the last couple weeks.

Basically I am typing all of this to say I need prayer. I am sick of being angry and anxious and apathetic and scared and confused. This is not who I really am but I have no one to help me out right now and I know that you guys will plead with the Lord on my behalf. I love you all so much.

it's official.

Just thought I'd tell you all at the same time =) love you all!