B-crest Update

I would like to say that Lynnea is probably the best girl ever! She is so kind, hospitable, and is practically a genius. That is all. Oh ya, I like wearing make-up too which you will be able to see from my new facebook photos.

hello my dear ones.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in ancaster away from my school because I'm a fool and I make mistakes and I'm ashamed to be there right now.

Redeemer is one of the best choices I've ever made, apart from Kaleo. Its a safe place with rules and stuff but not enough to make you feel like you're in prison. Thats what I like about it. This past month or so going to school there has been great. I've had solid conversations and I've met incredible people.

Yesterday was a rough day though. I cut in half my antidepressant dose a week and a bit ago on my doctor's advice. I really thought that I was fine but yesterday I was a mess. I was mad at everyone and then I went for a walk and cried by myself on a saturday night (super lame). I hadn't cried in ages (apart for when jim came to visit... I cried like a baby when he left). My antidepressants kind of make me unable to cry... It drives me crazy. So when I cry its usually a big deal. So I was grumpy and angry and in tears and I decided to go get a piercing. When I came back I was still feeling awful. I literally walked through a ditch and cried for like an hour until my friend came and found me... Then I went home and thought it would be a great idea to drink my troubles away. I have no idea how much I drank but it was a lot. I don't remember the rest of the night except for a few moments at some party and then puking in a bucket at my house. Redeemer is a dry campus and so now I have to pay a 100 dollar fine. I'm embarrassed and I feel like a fool. My house mates don't know anything about my life because they all have a really fluffy outlook on life and I feel like they wouldn't understand anything. There is no way I can tell them that I put makeup on my arm everyday to hide the fact that I carved the word fat into my skin. I can't tell them that I don't know how to feed myself. I can't tell them that I'm dizzy and tired all the time cause I don't know how to eat. I can't tell them that I have no self respect and I don't value myself whatsoever. I can't tell them that I'm on antidepressants and that me drinking last night wasn't just me being a stupid teenager but really it was all I could do cause I had no one to go to. I can't tell them that I don't like living with them and that I feel judged 24/7. I can't tell them that I'm currently sitting in a coffee shop crying and writing my feelings on a blog that I'm not sure anybody even reads.

I'm sorry that this post makes no sense. I'm sorry I'm a mess. I don't even know what I wanted to accomplish by writing this...

I guess I just want to say how grateful I am for the year we had together. A year of grace.

grace is what I need right now. and prayer and love and support.

The Mothership

Hey Everyone! It's everybody's possibly favorite friend named Logan! Just figured I'd let everyone know how life is going at b-crest here. It's going well. That's all.

No, in actuallity it is going really great though. All of us here have been staying in better contact than I had expected, and the past Kaleo's have also made an effort to get to know us, which is sweet. We've all been doing different things while here, Erik, Heidi, and I have been playing some ultimate frisbee, Meghan's been doing lotsa basketball, Lynnea is on RU (Refined Undignified, a sweet dance team), and Michael joined the Briercrest skydiving team! I made the last one up, but that would be sweet. If you'd like to find out more, then talk to them! I'm gonna continue on about myself.

I've been taking some really good courses this semester, such as History of Christianity, English (it's alright), Foundations of Youth Min, Intro to Greek (Really good, but it may be the death of me, there's so much to learn!)(I can probably read your arm now Bret), and last is Pauline Epistles, a really great course. I've been learning and trying to apply lots of stuff to my life while I've been here, though it's really not easy. I've been realizing how important is to bear good fruit, as well as the importance of community here. I have been feeling myself going through bouts of remembering the purpose that I have here, but with discipline this is something that can be worked through.

Last of all I want to thank you all for everything that you guys taught me last year about myself and God. It was by no means a perfect year, but I often see it as the best year of my life. I miss you and am very grateful for the people that all of you are.

Your brother,
Logan

Frands, update on saraii

To update you all on my life. I finished a summer at Qwanoes and a season where different foreigners where staying at my house for weeks following this and I found myself tired of people and faking it all. I just needed rest after Kaleo and everything! Ahhh!

Now, the Aussies and Kiwis are gone and I am starting to be obsessed with going to the gym and health and got a job at HMV. My first shift is today. I honestly wish I was back in school studying the bible and changing the world and studying cultures but I am stuck and I hate here, I got this job but don't know how because I never keep up with the media. I hope I can make a difference there.

I was praying for direction right after summer because so often I considering leaving and traveling this year and I heard "one year" in my heart. I am thinking that my family needs me, especially my younger twin brothers who both have girlfriends(pray for their purity) for this year, I need your prayers to stick this one out. You all know how much of a flake I am.

I am so done with life at times, and I don't know why God has kept me alive for this long.

Mostly, I am dreading this year but pray that I find myself delighting in the Lord and this season of work I have to do. I am now starting to work with Youth For Christ spending time with homeless youth in my city on Wednesday nights- this is the only thing I look forward to within my week. Pray that God uses me there.

I am so envious of people who go to TWU and there parents pay for everything... I wish I wish I wish :(

My church is nice, I considered becoming a youth leader but found my heart wasn't in it for the girls who are so immersed in culture as well as I didn't have enough time with work, I need a group of Christians that are devoted to the Lord. My brother and his wife are pretty devoted to being with my sister(which is great!) so I don't have them most of the time. Please pray that I find Christian community, I am so tired of doing this alone. Pray that I have grace with my sister who I am thinking is very legalistic and still finding her way in her faith, she tends to hurt my feelings a lot.

Kaleo's I miss you all and pray that you are falling deeper in love with God, even if it is through hardship like me.

I wish I was serving the widows, poor, oppressed, healing the blind in India or Africa, my heart hurts for being overseas with the church that is not lukewarm but rather dying for their faith but I am here and am blessed with a big pretty house now(i am unworthy) and striving for desperation for Jesus.

JUST LOVE ME!!(prayers puleaase)

I love you all, family!