Oh hey there.
I have a little prayer request.
So this week has kind of been crazy. I broke up with Colin out of conviction after spending a week at camp. I strongly believe that this is a temporary break up and not a permanent one in any way... This week has kind of been the worst. Me and Colin are neighbours at school and my school is tiny so I see him quite a bit. Its especially hard cause both of us want to be together...
I think a lot of issues in our relationship stem from a lot of fears that I have. I'm scared of picking the wrong person, I'm scared of having a miserable life and I have a deep rooted fear that I will end up divorced...
Lately I'm realizing that I am not at all the person that I view myself as in my mind. Somehow I blur over the negative parts and just think I'm awesome. This leaves no room for growth.
I'm finally realizing how selfish I am. I'm kind of embarrassed about it. I pretend I'm not selfish by being nice when I want to be and giving gifts and cooking and that stuff but when someone needs me and its not my idea I'm always angry and unwilling. I'm struggling with how to fix that. How do you go about life and all of the sudden be less selfish? How do you tangibly work on that? I need practical ways to work on that. I need time to realign my relationship with God. I need prayer from all of you guys (please).
Hmm. I think thats it.
I love you all and I'm still relishing in the time I got to spend with some of you in august.
