Oh hey there.
I have a little prayer request.
So this week has kind of been crazy. I broke up with Colin out of conviction after spending a week at camp. I strongly believe that this is a temporary break up and not a permanent one in any way... This week has kind of been the worst. Me and Colin are neighbours at school and my school is tiny so I see him quite a bit. Its especially hard cause both of us want to be together...
I think a lot of issues in our relationship stem from a lot of fears that I have. I'm scared of picking the wrong person, I'm scared of having a miserable life and I have a deep rooted fear that I will end up divorced...
Lately I'm realizing that I am not at all the person that I view myself as in my mind. Somehow I blur over the negative parts and just think I'm awesome. This leaves no room for growth.
I'm finally realizing how selfish I am. I'm kind of embarrassed about it. I pretend I'm not selfish by being nice when I want to be and giving gifts and cooking and that stuff but when someone needs me and its not my idea I'm always angry and unwilling. I'm struggling with how to fix that. How do you go about life and all of the sudden be less selfish? How do you tangibly work on that? I need practical ways to work on that. I need time to realign my relationship with God. I need prayer from all of you guys (please).
Hmm. I think thats it.
I love you all and I'm still relishing in the time I got to spend with some of you in august.
2 comments:
Hey Anna! I just wanted to say a couple things that I hope might help.
First of all, you definitely aren't alone in being a selfish person. I would say that selfishness is probably the biggest motivator to sin, and as you know, sin is something that we all struggle with as people, which comes out of the temptation to find the quick easy, feel better solution. To escape this selfishness is definitely something to strive towards, and I think recognizing it is the first step.
Second, I would suggest that a change in focus is necessary. All of last week I have been consistently hearing that many sermons in Narth Amreica have largely become self-help messages. Now this in itself is not in its entirety bad, but it does create a very individualistic focus. We were created to live and work as one body.
"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with ONE ANOTHER in love, eager to maintain the UNITY of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit-Just as you were called to the one hope that belongs in your call-One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to EACH one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift." (Eph. 4:1-7)
I emphasized the 'each' because we are all individuals in the end. What I am trying to get across, however, is that even though we are individuals, we must not lose sight of the importance of the community that God has called us to dwell in. What an amazing gospel, that rich and poor, young and old, guy and girl are all able to come together in community and work and grow in holiness, despite what the world has said about who we are.
So the way that I would suggest that you are able to work on this is by forcing yourself to be community focused. Discipline and a desire to change will help to point you in the right direction, and then basically trying to find as many ways as possible to love God and love people.
I struggle with being selfish a fair bit too, and it's been fursterating me for a long time now, so I hope this isn't sounding all haughty or anything. Finally, I would say that it's good that you've been convicted of this. but beware of becoming discouraged, that's not going to help anything, and in turn will bring you back full circle and tempt you to be self-focused and selfish once again.
I am not sure what exactly journeying through this will look like for you, I don't think I gave you anything quite as helpful as 'do this' to fix the problem, but I hope something in here may help out some! It's good to hear from you Anna. I miss hearing you say pants ;)
Thank you so much for posting Anna. I have been thinking the past few days about what I wanted to respond with, but I haven't been able to decide on something. I have now decided that I should stop overthinking, start typing, and see what happens.
The first thing that comes to mind is something that I continually have to remind myself of all the time. I heard this little phrase at camp, and it goes like this: "Trust in the trustworthiness of God". It is a simple phrase, yet it means so much for our lives. Whenever I start overthinking about things that I am afraid of I try to remind myself of just how trustworthy God is. When the tough times in life come, God is still just as trustworthy as He always is.
In regards to selfishness, I would say that selfishness may or may not be the main issue here. I would encourage you to figure out what the root cause of this selfishness is. You can chop down the weed that is selfishness, but in order to fully get rid of it you have to kill the roots. You may already know what it is, you may not. If not, spend some time in meditation with the Lord and ask for revelation. Once you know what the issue at hand is, then you'll be able to find freedom.
I will keep you in my prayers Anna, and I am always here to talk if you need. May the Lord bless you in your endeavor to become more like Him.
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