briercrest update

dear family,

well, it's been a strange few weeks. for those of you who have been messaging me, i apologize for the slow, vague, or non-apparent replies. so many things have been going on and at the end of the day i barely have the incentive to brush my teeth before bed, much less give you all the replies your messages to me deserve. for this i apologize.

i spoke to my parents last friday night about briercrest. i didn't mean to, it just came up (for some reason the important parental talks are ALWAYS the ones the sneak up on you ... AMIRIGHT???). this was the same day my car got towed and i didn't have the money to bail it out, so they had to do it; needless to say they weren't very impressed seeing me have to borrow more money and then spring briercrest on them. but it happened and i could go on for a long time about specific things they said. instead i will give you the nub and gist of it. they basically told me i was an adult and i could do what i wanted, but if i decided to go it would be without their support.

my dad said a lot of ridiculous and hurtful things throughout the conversation, things like "god isn't real," "kaleo is over," "everything you've ever had the ability to enjoy has been because of me and everything i've done for you," "you're running away from your problems," "you'll come out of it with a useless degree." okay, it doesn't sound as bad when i write it out, but it was pretty nasty when it was coming out of his mouth. i cried and cried (as usual these days). i'm pretty sure i also explained the gospel to him in a desperate attempt to try and get him to understand where i was coming from, but i don't really remember what i said. and the whole time my mom just sat there, quiet, like she always does when my dad acts up. she refuses to stand up for me, for the faith, for HER faith, around my dad. it makes me really sad to see.

the conversation ended with me telling them i'd consider going to UVic but briercrest was the only place i wanted to be.

after a lot of phone conversations with jim, wes, june clark (dave's stepmom, who is randomly really good friends with my dad AND really good friends with jesus AND works at briercrest), and other people who both know and love myself and the lord, as it has been affirmed again, and again, and again, i have made my decision, and i will be at briercrest in the fall.

i'm picking up a second job for the rest of the summer and most of the money from my current job is going to my parents to pay them back for kaleo. while i'm at briercrest i will be working part-time and wes is trying to see if i'm eligible for any more scholarships. i'm still unsure if i'm eligible for student loans as the application for the 2011-2012 school year does not become available until june 1st, but let's keep praying that i am. otherwise the lord is going to have to be reeeeeal creative in helping me figure out how i'm going to pay for my degree!!

last night, i let my parents know what i decided to do. i explained to them that it was time for me to live life, and i love them so much and am so thankful for how abundantly they have provided for me throughout my life, but i needed to cut financial ties and learn how to be a real independent person. the thing is, i COULD go to UVic next year; my mom WOULD still buy me new shoes and new jeans whenever i wanted, and she would pay for whatever special groceries i requested (mostly almond milk and smoked tofu, stuff the rest of my family doesn't really like!); my dad and UVic WOULD pay for my entire education, and i could work part time throughout the schoolyear and save it all and honestly live a pretty comfortable life.

but if there's one thing kaleo taught me, it's that a comfortable life is not what i desire anymore. it's not what the lord has for me.

like i was reminded of again and again throughout the course of this year: god is not safe, but he is good.

yes, i realize i will literally live off instant oatmeal next year because i will be literally poor. my parents won't be there to bail me out when my car gets towed, or lend me money when i want a new guitar, or buy my groceries for me. i realize my shoes will get holes in them and the knees of my pants will get worn and there won't be a whole lot more i will be able to do than take a needle and some yarn and patch those babies up (superglue for the shoes). but i could not be more EXCITED! i am becoming a REAL HUMAN BEING. finally!!!!

and you know what my mom said with tears in her eyes? "i don't want you to go because i'm not ready for you to go. i don't want my kids to leave me yet, but i can see that you need to go." and you know what my dad said? "bret, i understand that you need to do this."

so this whole ordeal did not happen the way i expected: with the money from the education fund my parents have for me, with their total blessing, with their purchasing of my flight to saskatchewan. nope, i'm on my own, and i'm a total pauper, but i couldn't be happier. my brother even gave me one of his electric guitars and his blues junior (it's an amp) and said, "you'll need this if you want to study music."

i love him a lot.

i love my whole family a lot, and we hurt each other, but there is a lot of love there, and that surpasses all. i have hope for them.

i have peace about next year.

thank you all for your prayers, please don't let them stop, they are sustaining me, they are changing the hearts of my family, and they are bringing me to where i need to be.

lynnea, heidi, meghan: WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER NEXT YEAR!!

michael, logan, erik: we sort of are i guess, but i'm pretty sure you're not allowed in my room.

your sister,

bret