Have you ever worked on a puzzle and couldn't find where it goes? You work and work at it but nothing seems to fit, you try different pieces and even try to mash it in just so it would work. Well thats the closest thing I was able to come up with to describe how my life is going. Nothing fits. My days are filled with frustration as I try and try again to find something to fill my time and some purpose in which to strive for. I can't seem to find a job no matter how hard I try for one. Community for me is non-existent which is difficult coming out of such a close group as Kaleo. I can't seem to connect with my church, I will regularly sit by myself on sundays and I tried joining a life group but nobody is filling me in as to when we meet. The inactivity is absolutely killing me and I can't do anything about it except keep trying and failing. I can't find God's will in anything or any sense of direction in my life. I feel blind and like the world is rejecting me. I remember talking with Sarah Badke and that maybe I need this rest before going back to life but how can I rest when the rest is killing me?
I fill my days working on my car, creating odd pieces of furniture that I want but don't want to buy (it's my creative side coming out), reading, listening to music and searching for jobs. Maybe hang out with friends once a week or so and of course watch the hockey games.
I guess what I'm saying is that I am totally, completely and utterly frustrated. Nothing is working for me and I have a sneaking suspicion that God has some part in it and I really wish he would let me in on what He's planning 'cause I am totally in the dark.
Anyways thanks for listening to me rant! If you could pray that something comes up for me that would great. Thanks!
4 comments:
I pray for you daily. I'm glad your creative side is coming out.
you should paint. your finger painting rocked.
it's hard being in the real world. it's so very hard bryan. i am feeling similarly right now and the words that keep rolling around in my head is "CREATE COMMUNITY." like jim has said to us so many times, we aren't ever going to find another community like kaleo unless we create it. i think that's something the both of us need to be doing right now. but i understands that is loneliness this is very hard to do. let the leader of your life group know that you really want to be involved but are finding it hard to figure out when meetings are, give them your phone number and e-mail address, suggest you meet for dinner at your house one night even. take initiative, fight your innate desire to be alone (remember we were created for community), and continue to devour the lord's word. i read psalm 42 this morning and it gave me a lot of hope; i pray it does the same for you. i know the light you have in your heart bryan! don't hide it. i love you brother.
Rest is described as being with God and delighting in Him. Try committing everything to Him and instead of wanting things to fill up your time, spend it with God. Community is good to want, but this puzzle piece that you cannot find is God. It is His peace that transcends all understanding.
I love you muchly!
This is not too surprising - you were becoming a bit of a serving-other-people junkie by the end of Kaleo, and the withdrawal symptoms can be pretty harsh.
But what is to keep you from continuing to serve there? What is getting in the way? You may think it is lack of opportunity, or lack of motivation or lack of the people you really enjoyed serving. But service for God comes don to one thing: obedience.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
"Who, being in very nature[a] God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature[b] of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!" Philippians 2
Give that some thought as you shine your hubcaps this morning. I love what I see God doing in you!
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