Hey guys. If you're interested, the concert went really well last night. Mr. Joel Krahn took photos so maybe I'll jack some off him later. It was a small crowd, but the night was a lot of fun. Both musicians were reeeeally good, and the speakers were very inspiring and informative. One was a lady whose daughter was trafficked five years ago, and hearing her personal story and getting to know her was such a privilege. And I'm so thankful for Bret for emceeing (and doing a fantastic job, at that). Bret, Janet, and myself had a good time together - it was a bit of a mini road trip. It was so sweet to see Bryan last night as well :)
I'm now chilling at my friend's place in Burnaby. She left early this morning to go up north for awhile so it's just me and her parents right now. My plan is to stick around to be at Sarah's family's "Reveal Party" for their house on Monday then head back to work in Vic. On that note, I'm working on getting another job. MEC is great, just not enough hours. I'm rather reluctant to be working two jobs, as I want to pace myself and not burn myself out with busyness. However, I am basically screwed for finances, and it is simply the responsible thing to do to work more. I've been super stressed about money lately.. which is very unneccessary, I'm aware. I constantly have a battle in my head about saving versus generosity. If I am to go to Briercrest in the fall, along with Bret and Heids and many others, the Lord is going to have to majorly provide. And I'm learning that I need not hold every cent with a tight fist, rather continue to be generous and trust that he will provide for this if he wants it for me. It's a work in progress. Writing it down like this helps, I think. Prayer does too.
On another note, my head has been all over the place lately. I feel like I'm just not "in it". And I'm not even on any drugs (prescription or otherwise :P). I've been constantly praying that I will be able to focus on the present and on my purposes for living as I float through life here. So far, not so good. I think there's something in my mind/brain/whatever currently inhibiting me from being "present". It sucks for social interactions, as I am SO distracted around everybody and anybody, when I want to focus and listen and speak clearly and love people by paying attention to them. Alongside this is old inner battles raging in my psych daily. I can never relax, always have to fight to keep my head "above water", so to speak - referring to depression/anxiety/self-hate issues. If you anyone asks how I'm doing, I can honestly answer that I'm doing well. But only because of the Lord's grace in sustaining me and giving me the strong conviction that it is my choice to be "okay" or not. I desperately want to be okay because then I can serve God and people in this broken world, instead of drowning in myself and my desires to opt out of this life and peace it to heaven right now. But yeah, it's a fight. I know I'm not the only one that has to constantly fight so hard. But I need to be able to rest, in the holistic sense of the word, or I know I won't make it much longer. I feel like I'm consistently hanging on by a thread. Is the rest of my life going to be that way? At the moment, the lack of being fully "in it" may be due to me being in a state of expectancy/waiting. Just waiting for the thread to snap, because it's gotta be just about to.
Y'all probably skimmed through everything I just said, which is fine. I just read back over it too and it's pretty rambly and complicated-sounding. It's just very helpful for me to be able to attempt to get some of those thoughts out in writing but I apologize if I have wasted your time.
I used to hate asking for prayer, considered it selfish. But I've changed (in more ways than just this). Can you pleeease pray that I can rest, that I won't have to continue to constantly fight for my life to just be "okay". I miss living with people. I mostly miss you guys... well... many of you, anyway :)
And can you guys also join me in thanking and praising him for answering prayers last night with the concert, and that his name was glorified. It really was.
Enjoy your long weekend, guys!
7 comments:
Came across this verse just now and wanted to share it. Proverbs 16:3 -
Commit your works to the LORD, and your thoughts will be established.
And apparently the word ‘commit’ here means to ‘roll upon’ in the sense of both total trust and submission to the will of God.
MEGHAN! You didnt invite me to come with you to the concert so I didnt go. Im sorry but im glad it was a good time. I got my old job back at coffee on the moon (even tho I didnt want to go back to the moon the big G-O-D has other plans that involves some unfinnished buisness there) and Im also working at sushi harbour so I propably wouldnt have been able to go to your concert anyways. I love you tho, A LOT. You have come so far since the beggining of Kaleo and honestly meghan I think your great so you can count on me for prayer. I am so glad we are friends.
P.s. I could totally get you a deal on a coffee on the moon chai latte if your ever in town.
Meghan, I can honestly say that there was zero skimming as I read your post, and there is absolutely no way that you wasted anybody's time :)
I am so happy that the concert went well, and I'm even more happy that his name was glorified. You are a wonderful servant of the Lord Meghan, and He will definitely keep using you in magnificent ways. It's also good to hear that you are learning what you need because that is the first step in growth. I miss you, I'll be praying for you, and I love you Meghan :)
Vivacious. That's what this post is - full of life! So glad for you, Meghan! I can imagine that humanly-speaking you are just marginally okay without the medication. But I know what you mean when you say that grace is sustaining you, keeping you safe just inches from the edge. It is your belay rope on the climbing wall, your surf board on the big wave. I hope you will stay on this wonder-drug for a long, long time. Doing things like you did with the concert is so healing and strengthening for you - please keep this generosity of spirit as a strong value and priority in your life. You are getting stronger every day, and though I know you will have setbacks, it will be ten steps forward and one back; then twenty steps forward and one back. Go, girl!
Hey Meghan! It was good to hear how you are doing, and you'll be in my prayers for sure. Like the others said, keep striving to be God's hand. Every once and a while I believe that heaven would be an easy out sometimes too, and wish I could be taken up in a whirlwind! But even with the sin in the world, life here and now is still a gift from God. You learned this though already this year, so I'm just blabbing.
Miss you lots! Logan
You guys are so good to me.
Mary - any evening you are free, let me know and I WILL come up to chill with you - I would LOVE that. I think you are really great, too :)
Erik - I hope you know how encouraging you are. Keep being sweet, okay? Looking forward to many more good times with you at Bcrest thesae coming years!
JimBad - Thankyou so much for speaking truth to me like this constantly. Your words are taken to heart. And thanks for being so frickin hospitable to me and my frequent visits the past little while :)
Logan - You're not blabbing. It's so important for me and you and others to be reminded of these things. Thanks for the prayer, and likewise, with your job and life out there.
Meghan.
First, I wish I could have been at the concert. An old friend of mine was there and she raved about it on her facebook status. Well done, my dear.
Second, I read every word (I think). No skimming here.
Third, I miss you.
Fourth, I don't know exactly what the right words to say are but I want to know what's happening with Briercrest and I am so glad that you are making the choice to be. And to live. And to stick it out here with the rest of us. So glad.
Fifth, I love you.
I think that's all. At least for now.
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