i should have wrote this before

Well a lot of you probably think i'm freezing my butt off in the prairies, but I'm not. These months at home have been all over the place. I've applied and withdrawn from two schools. I just have no idea what to do with my life. This will be quick. I decided to go to Briercrest and I was all ready to leave, but those plans have changed. I realize it was a rash, quick decision to go there. My reasoning was to have good community and I had connections there with courses and friends so I guess I thought it would be a quick fix to these lonely months at home. Anyways, when I was talking to Tim Stabell on the phone I just felt in my heart that it wasn't the right fit. All of a sudden I felt that it wasn't it. So I thought about it a little longer and decided it was best if I didn't go anywhere in January. I want to be out of the place I'm in, but it will have to wait a little longer. I think I know what kind of field I'm going go in. It wasn't offered at briercrest and I didn't want to go and start again if it didn't work out you know. But I'm going go for a child life specialist. Its where you work in a children's hospital and help children cope with illnesses they have. By showing them what is going on and talking to them about it. It will also deal with the parents and to inform them whats going on too. It will be more school but I think it will be worth it. Pray that where I will be in the next while will be a greenhouse for me. But yeah this post is to let you know that I won't be at Briercrest. Sorry for getting any ones hopes up! I want to come visit maybe. I vote we have a reunion at Mt washington.

Yes I got another tattoo

This will be all over the place because I haven't even had time to think about what's been going on with me but bear with me. Well I actually forgot about our blog I've been so busy. I thought I would update all of you on my life. After a long and difficult summer at camp, I moved to Fernie and have been living with my room mates Tyler and Patrick. I worked at Canadian tire for about 6 days and quit...surprise! I now work at the Ski Hill as a liftie and recently got a new job working 3 nights a week at a coffee shop. It has been very difficult this year for me. I have screwed up so much which was unenviable. It's hard being in a town where all people ever do is go to bars drinking. I've been caught up in that a couple times but have been pretty good about it lately. I just get so confused and feel so judged because my Christian group of friends because lots of my them go out drinking all the time. When im with them they are happy with me and think im alright. But when I go out with my non christian friends they think something is totally wrong and give me judging eyes. None of my friends at the hill know I'm Christian because I don't want to give Christians a bad name.

Since I've been screwing up a lot these past few months, I have just gotten so down and cant seem to get out of this depression and can't stop beating myself up for it. I stopped taking my depression meds in Kaleo and think I should start them up again. Everyone keeps telling me im "Living the dream" I get to snowboard everyday at work and live 15 min from the hill. I get 3 days off a week and I went to Hawaii for Christmas and I have great friends. Although all of these things are awesome, I don't feel awesome. I feel like a complete loser and sleaze bag. I cant seem to hold on to relationships of any kind without screwing something up. I'm such a mess and I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I have people I can talk to but I can't be bothered to approach them and when they ask me how they can help me, I have no idea how they can help me. It would be nice to have someone just genuinely ask how I'm doing and see that they really do care, but everyone is always so busy.

I dont want to be around anything to do with Christian Community. I spend a lot of time with Jesus on my own, but can't stand it when other people are around. I don't like my church and couldn't be bothered to pay attention any more. I have basically just stopped going. I have the chance to go to Bible studies but turn down any offer. I think I'm just frustrated but I don't know with what.

As of my plans for next year, I have a lot of Ideas. My parents dont want me to do YWAM in NZ. I understand their reasoning behind not wanting me to go away again. I have to raise all the money myself which is fine. I cant seem to get much money saved up for ywam though and have to decide between going to school for Fine Arts in Calgary or hope that i will get enough money before june 24th. I know God can do big things but I just feel like either option would be the right choice. Im getting no direction right now.

There is much more going on but that is all i can be bothered to write for today because I'm sick. Im back at home in Calgary to escape and get rest.

I love you all dearly and hope to hear from you all soon.

Beloved Jordana

SINGLE 4 LYFFE.

I wasn't gunna post cause I usually only post when I'm sad but I figured I would let you all know that I'm dating someone...

It is the night before I leave for the Dominican Republic with a team from my church and I wonder why I can't sleep. Some of you may recall well over a year when I first expressed interest in undertaking this trip. I leave tomorrow (or today I guess) and I wish I wasn't going. Life these past couple of months have been rough, actually a better way to put would be that it has been hell. If I hadn't vocalized such interest in the missions trip from when it was first put forward I would not be going. So here I am feeling inadequate to go, not wanting to go and with no one to talk to except for the air around me (literally). I am curious as to why it is that whenever I write on the blog I always seem to have a negative attitude? Trust me there has been many times where I have written but never published. I'm rambling and probably not making much sense but I guess that's ok because I just needed to get something out.

- Bryan

Welcome to 2012!

Happy New year everyone! I just thought I would say how much I love and miss you guys. My New Years was spent with Meghan, Sarah, Anna W. and Brettski! It was such a blessing to be reunited with them and to reminiss about the times we hated Kaleo and laugh about them now. I'm going to admit we gossiped about everyone a lot but I believe its more like "Godsip" because its really encouraging to hear about what some of you are all up to and how most of you are all doing. I just wanted to take a moment and ask Christine to get on here and give us a bit of an update on her life cause I want to hear about this boy! Honestly it was the best New Years I've had in a long time and it was exacally the kind of hang out/ catching up sesh I needed to start the year off right. Just so you all know I am praying for ya'll and miss you dearly.

P.s. Jim I can't wait to read your new book.
P.P.s. I am going to write a book too its in the begining stages.

MUCH LOVE + MANY BLESSINGS,
Mary

And Happy Boxing Day!

I know it is still Christmas in Canada, so we want to say to all of you: Merry Christmas, and may your Year of Grace merge into a Year of Grace-Giving! Isn't that the point? God so loved so he gave, and we in turn so love that we give. Munch on this for a while, along with your turkey and cranberries:

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Luke 6:38).

We miss you very much, and trust that our paths will cross again soon. New Zealand has been very good for us, and tomorrow we begin a tour around the country. Danny reminded us this morning to ask God each day to give us a vision of the people we should meet and places we should go. Please pray along with us toward that end.

Merry Christmas!

Kaleo family,

Very Merry Christmas to you and your families! I heard a sermon at Ethos (a young adults service in Coquitlam) that basically said that Christmas is a celebration of the curtain rising on the greatest love story ever told. It really stuck with me. Immanuel, God with us. God made his dwelling with us and one day soon, we will dwell with him in heaven. And one day, we will celebrate together once more as a Kaleo family! What a joyous day that will be!

I love you all!

Holly

PS Jocelyne, we're praying for your mom! Love you lots!

Hey everyone,

So I'm not sure how many people still follow this blog, but wanted to write a quick post to ask those of you who still do to pray for my mom. Thursday she was experiencing really bad chest pain so we took her to the emergency and they did a whole bunch of different tests on her. She apparently did not have a heart attack, but was very close to it so they are keeping her in the hospital and running more tests on her. We really don't have any idea whats happening and the doctors haven't given us much information, but they are planning to fly her to Calgary next week to get an angiogram done. They have obviously detected something because they wont let her come home but I don't think even the doctors really know whats going on. I have all of my finals this coming week, none of which are easy classes and I'm super stressed with studying for exams and having this happen with my mom (especially since no one is giving us any information). Hopefully it isn't anything too serious but I figured the more people praying the better. Hope everyone is doing well, miss you all!

Say A Little Prayer for Me

Hey everyone!

Well I do miss you guys and I wish I could see all of your faces, hopefully I do get to see some of them soon! Anyways, I think I need some prayer. There is so much going on that I really don't know what to do with myself. I have realized just how much of a selfish and inward centered person (versus outward focused), so please just be praying that I would become selfless. Something along those lines is that I have feelings for a certain guy and I am pretty positive he does not return those feelings, and it is really hard because we are around each other a fair bit, so pray that the Lord would settle my heart and make me content of where I am, and I would just see this guy as a brother. Another thing is that RU is time consuming and because of that, I hang out with the RU people a lot even outside of practice time etc (especially when I am eating in the cafe)., because I have gotten to know them the best. I love this ministry and I love dancing but I am really frustrated and I feel trapped or labelled. I want to escape this, and since I am shy it is even harder to get to know other people. So be praying that I can get to know people outside of RU. Ya, that was a lot but I think I do need some prayer. Plus this weekend B-crest puts on a Christmas production that are two hours each and there is 4 performances this weekend and RU is performing in it. I have two large assignments due on Tuesday and Monday and I really don't have time to do them! Also, be praying for the people who will be coming to see this concert and that it would be impacting.

Love you guys and I would love to hear from you!

La-nay-nay

update

Hi family. I can't believe how much time has gone by since Kaleo ended. I wish we could have a chapel or something again just to be together. I've wanted to post on here for a while, but have been reluctant too. With things not going well I find it hard to write about whats going on honestly. I wish I could tell about crazy adventures and what not. I guess I haven't wrote anything on here is because i'm scared too. As weird as that sounds. Alright I'll just go for it and if doesn't make sense well at least I got the courage to write whats been happening. Being at home has been a struggle. Being away for a year and a bit and coming back into life at home was a lot different than what I expected it to be. Theres a lot of things I know I could have done but didn't. I have no community here and it's been rough. I don't really know whats going on or really what to think anymore. I've put myself into a box and I'm finding it hard to get out of. I feel trapped and stuck. I worry way more than my own good and I think I have anxiety. The only time I feel at peace is when I'm asleep. I've been doubting in faith as well. It feels as though I forget what I learned in Kaleo. Coming back people just ask me now what and its frustrating. I've been going through a season of frustration and bitterness. I just feel judged all the time. I'm so lost with my future and I know I shouldn't worry and put it in God's hands but its a lot easier said than done. I guess I have forgotten to give everything to God. I'm just super stressed out. I need some prayer right now. There has been a lot of good in the time I've been back. But I feel it gets outweighed by my fears and worries. I've been able to see family so thats been good. I love them a lot but I feel that they don't even know me and then i feel like i'm being judged and i hate it. Hmm. My pastor gave me a book to read called the north face of God and it takes our spiritual journey and uses the image of climbing a mountain to relate to it. I feel as though I have staggered off the path. Meeting with him has been helpful. We talked about social justice and mission trips and it got me excited to talk about that. And because of that Briercrest has been in the back of my mind so I got in contact with them and I'm pretty sure (not 100% sure yet) I'll be heading there in january for the global studies program. It's not the place where i thought i would be going and i'm still so unsure but I think its a big step of faith in trusting God that He will take care of me. It's taken a lot of thinking and deciding so don't laugh at me haha. Briercrest friends you better show me the ropes. i'm counting on you. Well I really don't want to post this but I'm going to. I know its not that long or what not but it feels like weight has been lifted off in posting this. So take it as it is. But really I just want to ask for prayer. here's a lame joke to end on a good note. Where did Noah keep the bee's? In the archives!