Love and miss you all
Jocelyne
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Hey Guys
Sorry I haven't been very good at keeping you guys updated on my life, but to be honest its pretty boring right now so there isn't a whole lot exciting to share. I hope everyone's summer is going well so far and I miss all of you guys so much. I'm not really sure why I am even writing this blog, I think I just need to get out some of my thoughts. The last two months haven't been the easiest. Its been kind of a shock to come from an environment where I was surrounded by people all the time to being home and living just with my parents again. My sister has been gone for the last few months doing her nursing practicum and none of my closest friends even live in the Hat anymore so the last few months have been pretty lonely to say the least. Its weird how I remember most of the good times of kaleo and barely remember all the really hard times. I even miss BC and its beautiful scenery, I have even almost forgotten how much I hated all the rain....almost. Anyways I am just really frustrated with life right now. I feel like I'm just stuck waiting for my life to mean something and to serve a purpose. I feel so bogged down by western society and our selfish individualistic ways. Lately, since I have been home, I have felt a really strong desire to help those in need and do something bigger with my life. I'm rethinking everything and I am soo utterly confused right now. In the fall I am enrolled to start my bachelors of science and for so long I just wanted to get a good job so I could be well off and live comfortably and have all the useless materialistic crap that comes along with it... but I don't know any more. I know we are not called to live comfortably but instead radically so others can see the Christ's love. I'm so confused and I don't really know what to do. I don't know if I want to spend all this time going to school to get a good paying job and then spend the rest of my life paying off student loans and just worrying about myself. The thought of not getting a big degree from a university is kind of scary because it has always been the only thing I thought I could do and the means in which I measured a successful life. I know God can use people who make a lot of money and have good jobs but I just don't know what he wants for me. I just really want my life to matter for God's kingdom and I don't know what to do with all these doubts about my future. I know I need to trust God because he knows what is best for me but sitting here in Medicine Hat just surviving the days seems so useless. I try to be a light at work and with customers but people's selfishness and rudeness is frustrating me and making me more jaded towards the people here living in luxury in Canada while people their own country and around the world are struggling everyday to survive. Anyways I think its pretty obvious from my ranting that I really need prayer for guidance, I feel pretty lost. I really want God to use me but I fail so much everyday that I don't even know how he could use someone as weak and scared as me. Anyways if you read this thanks for listening, I guess after two months of not having anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff I just had to get it out.
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4 comments:
JOCELYNE WE HAVE THE EXACT SAME BRAIN WAVES! I am going through the same frustrations and confusion and desire to do something big, something radical! I'm feeling pressure to go to school in the fall but really I want to run away and be a missionary or do full time ministry. I have no desire to find a comfortable paying job and an easy life style. I however, being in the same pradicament as you can offer no advice. Just know that I am praying for you because I know how it feels and I love and miss you dearly.
Jocelyne! It is SO good to hear how you are. Thank you for your honesty. I sit here praising our Father because of the words you have written--he has shaped your heart, broken and refined you more into the image of Christ. You truly have grown lady! You bring me great joy!
I've been reading Philippians:
'Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith--that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.'
--Phil 3: 8-11
I had lunch with a very wise woman Sunday, and she told me God doesn't care where you live, where you go to school, or what job you do. He cares that whatever you may choose, you walk with him faithfully and wisely, and that your choices will have different costs.
I imagine this might not comfort you much now, but I hope it does a little. He has put abilities, gifts, and desires in you--so go for something that you enjoy and put the Lord first--he will bless you in it! Praying for peace as you walk forward. LOVE YOU GIRL!
Oh Jocelyne! I totally am feeling you on the ways of our society. It is frustrating....very frustrating at times. I have found though praying and going to the Word has been my therapy as of late. I also know we didn't see each other at all in the last month. So I think we should hang out at some point. From July 18-22 I am doing basically nothing, I took that week off work. So I think we should hang out (maybe even for a day or two), or maybe go camping at Elkwater! or..... go to that little dugout place that is actually really nice that is just outside of the Hat but I can't think of the name.... is it Echodale? Anyways, I really do miss you and I want to hear in detail more of how you are doing! Love you, and will be praying for you.
Ah I wish I was closer geographically to you, Joce. Can we skype soon, though?
Thankyou for sharing/ranting. I wish I had some awesome advice but really don't. But I'll be praying for you for guidance and trust and strength.
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