Hey Guys

Sorry I haven't been very good at keeping you guys updated on my life, but to be honest its pretty boring right now so there isn't a whole lot exciting to share. I hope everyone's summer is going well so far and I miss all of you guys so much. I'm not really sure why I am even writing this blog, I think I just need to get out some of my thoughts. The last two months haven't been the easiest. Its been kind of a shock to come from an environment where I was surrounded by people all the time to being home and living just with my parents again. My sister has been gone for the last few months doing her nursing practicum and none of my closest friends even live in the Hat anymore so the last few months have been pretty lonely to say the least. Its weird how I remember most of the good times of kaleo and barely remember all the really hard times. I even miss BC and its beautiful scenery, I have even almost forgotten how much I hated all the rain....almost. Anyways I am just really frustrated with life right now. I feel like I'm just stuck waiting for my life to mean something and to serve a purpose. I feel so bogged down by western society and our selfish individualistic ways. Lately, since I have been home, I have felt a really strong desire to help those in need and do something bigger with my life. I'm rethinking everything and I am soo utterly confused right now. In the fall I am enrolled to start my bachelors of science and for so long I just wanted to get a good job so I could be well off and live comfortably and have all the useless materialistic crap that comes along with it... but I don't know any more. I know we are not called to live comfortably but instead radically so others can see the Christ's love. I'm so confused and I don't really know what to do. I don't know if I want to spend all this time going to school to get a good paying job and then spend the rest of my life paying off student loans and just worrying about myself. The thought of not getting a big degree from a university is kind of scary because it has always been the only thing I thought I could do and the means in which I measured a successful life. I know God can use people who make a lot of money and have good jobs but I just don't know what he wants for me. I just really want my life to matter for God's kingdom and I don't know what to do with all these doubts about my future. I know I need to trust God because he knows what is best for me but sitting here in Medicine Hat just surviving the days seems so useless. I try to be a light at work and with customers but people's selfishness and rudeness is frustrating me and making me more jaded towards the people here living in luxury in Canada while people their own country and around the world are struggling everyday to survive. Anyways I think its pretty obvious from my ranting that I really need prayer for guidance, I feel pretty lost. I really want God to use me but I fail so much everyday that I don't even know how he could use someone as weak and scared as me. Anyways if you read this thanks for listening, I guess after two months of not having anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff I just had to get it out.

Love and miss you all

Jocelyne

Proud Dads Can't Help It

This is Danny's latest short film from his Digital Film course in Kona, Hawaii, filmed on a lava field:

its sarah

I am not even sure if many you look at the blog anymore. Even though it happened to me, Kaleo seems like a weird and distant memory, one that sometimes is easier to forget. Lately it has crossed my mind when Nathan Kwon and Ryan Dirk unadded me from facebook why God had put our year together the way he did. So much hurt, so many mistakes(everyone's), so many could haves. I was talking to Sid Koop today and realized that with all the more sin, we as Christians can learn to show all the more grace. That God doesn't necessarily ordain bad things to happen but he lets them. When these bad things happen if our eyes are fixed upon Jesus it will be okay. This is the joy in suffering that we have! I am learning grace finally you guys.

and I saw Bayus today!!!

PS. ERIK I MET YOUR SISTER IN LAW SHE IS AWESOME!

I love you all my brothers and sisters.

How Does Your Garden Grow

So I thought about being all mysterious and such about my life and making you guys seek me out to find out what is going on about my life but then I realized... there is really nothing too mysterious going on, haha.

I have been working a lot in the lovely Millenium garden of Leader, and in a weird cheesy way, it is kind of cool. I have been able to see all these flowers (like the perennials) sprout from nothing from the ground to grow into gigantic and beautiful bushes of flowers. I have definitely learned a few things about patience (flowers do not really grow fast as you can assume, except vines.... they grow really fast). And I have learned a fair bit about plants. Even though, it is a lonely job with only birds, cats, bugs, and the occasional elderly lady coming through. I must say though, I have been blessed with an incredible boss. He isn't a believer but even though he makes some crude jokes he completely understand that I am different and don't have the same values and morals as the rest of the pharmacy staff (weird to explain but yes, a pharmacist is my boss). It has also been great because he is really involved in what is going on on a provincial, local, and global level. He is a real huge philanthropist, so I have had great conversations about that with him (and photography). Lastly, even though I have only worked there two months since he said that this is the best the garden has been in years, I got a mini fridge as a bonus! It is a very decent one too, that is worth over 300 dollars. So all I can say is I am blessed.

I just had my third social justice night, and once again, it went pretty well. Although, I did bawl in front of everyone there because you guys all know how much I love to cry in front of people....not. I guess this stuff really touched me, and my emotions just spilled out. When I was in Vancouver the stuff I saw and heard I registered within me and it pained my heart but I hadn't really ever felt it emotionally, until now. My night was on sex trafficking and for the Van. team I think some of you remember when we saw that woman being beaten by that man when we were driving on Hastings Street, and as I was telling my audience this, I started straight out crying. At least by the time I was done almost all the women in the room were crying too (which made me feel a little better).

Next week I start work at Luseland Bible Camp. I am nervous, excited, and for some reason worried what this camp season will look like. Please be praying for me and for my camp.

Speaking of prayer requests, this may sound so dumb but for the last year or so I have been getting reoccuring pus pockets at the back of my throat and sinus infections, and to be honest, I haven't really been able to sing at all. I went to the doctor and she said it could be slightly serious, so please be praying for me, especially because I usually sing on the worship team at camp.

Love you guys so much! I am praying for you constantly.

Keep praying for freedom,

Lynnea

i lovedy love you all!

hello my favourites.
I always look on the blog and secretly want to post all the time but I never do. Anyway, I figured I might as well give you guys an update if any of you care to know whats been going on with me!

When the average person asks me how I am I tell them simple dumb answers but I'll give you guys the real deal. My relationship with my parents is at the best point its probably ever been. I've been honest with them lately which is huge. Things with my sister rock as usual. Its so nice to be living with her again but also kind of sad cause it feels like these days are coming to the end! She's not engaged yet but she will probably be getting married August of next year. CRAZY.

Hmm so I didn't get accepted to work at my camp this summer which came as a pretty big shock. yes, in the past I haven't always been the best employee but I have been very loyal to the camp and I know most of the full time staff pretty well. It kind of hurt that I wasn't accepted. I like to say I don't really care but in talking to a camp friend tonight I realized how hurt I am. I think this was just another thing I've wrecked for myself. Since coming home I've noticed that a lot of my actions have consequences (lame I know...) but its hitting me that even though I feel I've changed and grown a lot stronger not everyone around me realizes that yet.

I officially accepted my offer to redeemer and I registered for courses on friday! Crazy. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. I'm not a fan of commitment but I think redeemer will be good for me. I was in hamilton for the weekend and I met a bunch of sweet people who go there. Community-wise I think it will be wonderful.

Health wise I'm not doing too good. I feel good emotionally but I can't seem to make myself physically healthy. I've lost about 15 pounds since being home and I am starting to look sick... enough that people at work who barely know me ask if I'm okay. Prayer would be much appreciated.

Anyway, I love you all and I wish that canada post didn't suck so bad so I could mail you letters!!

calling on you guys to pray!

Hey family,

As you know, I am off to Buenos Aires next Friday. Here's the thing: my cysts are back. If you want a reminder of what I mean, think of me on our first trip to the chalet at Mount Washington. Yup. That.

I need you guys to pray that it will go away. I am already on antibiotics and trying to stop it before it gets any worse. I am not at the point of needing my Tylenol extra strength every four hours like clockwork yet. If this continues, I have no clue how I'm going to travel for 24 hours...

As well, I still am raising money... and a little concerned.

So yeah, I'm calling on you guys to petition our Father on my behalf.

I love you all and miss you!

Holly

Update

So yah, I thought it would be a good idea to post an update about what is going on in my life right now. To start things off, at Briercrest I am no longer doing TESOL in the fall but am going into Global Studies instead. I went through the interview process for TESOL and after being accepted, I decided to wait a year to think about it. Courses transfer pretty easily between the two programs, so I am quite happy with my decision. I will see whether or not I still want to pursue TESOL after I get a feel for some of the courses and take an Introduction to TESOL course in April. So that is what is going on with school.

I have just arrived at Muskoka Woods today for the summer, and man am I stoked. I got to have a nice chat Olivia Boyda (related to Nate Boyda of K7) who will also be working here this summer. She is going to Briercrest right now, and we discussed people we both know and how we saw each other on stage at Youthquake. Small world, eh? But yah, It is going to be a gong show of a summer this year, hopefully it isn't too tiring.

I hope you guys are all doing well, prayin' for yah :)

SORRY JIM

YO PEEPS! So I finally got my tattoo. I had it done yesterday (THE SABBATH - so holy) at around 5pm. I'm very happy with it and my parents were cool with it too! And Jim, don't worry, you can't even see it when I'm standing normally with my arms at my side :). Also, apologies to my future husband, who may or may not like tatties. SUCKA FOR YOUUUUU!

Anyway, the tattoo says: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come" (Rev 4:8) in ancient Greek. I got Wes to send me a Biblical manuscript from like a bajillion years ago, because I wanted the text as it would have looked like when the earliest Biblical texts were circulating around the world of Paul and John, etc. Wes will probably regret helping me out after seeing this. HAHA.

sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes there are no words. No eloquent phrases to neatly sum up what’s happened.

This season after kaleo has been so dark. Winter. I stumbled through life blindly, half expecting and wishing to wake up in my little messy corner in room 312, still in Kaleo. Where I could feel, and love. Where every word I spoke was not a desperate attempt to warm myself up from the chill of hopelessness. Where dying didn’t seem like a solution. When I thought there was a future. When it was vibrant and full. Now it’s just flat. Lifeless.

“This long dark season

of everything

stripped

to nothing

began so sudden,

overnight,

with the gust of

one phone call,

then never left.

The only miracle here

is waiting

to see

how much night a day

can hold

and still be called

day.”

I’m sitting in the chaos of all my decisions. Each sleepless night I fight in a desperate attempt to claw my way through nightmares, as memories and lies I buried deep during the day awake from their graves.

I’m so tired. Trapped. Seeing life, walking through it, but never touching anything. Not feeling anything. Promises and words wash over me, never sinking in. I’m muddled and slow. Every thought like trying to run through water. Nothing but dry bones. Once full of life, but now stripped bare. Brittle and parched. Forgotten how to walk. I can no longer stand. All my days are blended together. Never wanting to do anything. Wondering if maybe I could just slip out life’s back door.

In the midst of these heavy thoughts, last night, I cried out to the only one who could hear. And I prayed “Lord, I have 3 weeks, okay? Show me there’s a point. Show up, and let me see. Give me something to live for, or else I give up. I don’t want to want to die. But it seems like the only way. So please, please show me another way. Show me so I won’t do this. If what you say is true, there has to be something real, something to live for. Show me you’re true.”

I went to sleep angry and in despair. I woke up late, and almost didn’t go to church. But I dragged myself to New Life in Duncan. I’d almost forgotten about my ultimatum, and was just stuck in my depression.

Pastor Shane began to speak on 2 Corinthians 1. About comfort. I was cynical, and told myself that I wouldn’t let empty words catch my attention again.

But something was different. Shane sat on a stool, and with his voice cracking, told us about how his little girl ‘Jael’ had died. She would have been four years old. He then said “God is not a sentimental God full of empty phrases to keep us going. He is the God of all comfort.” He spoke for a while about what that means, and then read:

“For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.” 2 Cor. 1:8-10.

He talked about times that are so dark, it feels like the death sentence, that there’s no way out. That we want to die. But somehow, somehow in the valley of the shadow of death, Christ’s presence brings comfort. Why? Because we are ‘braving it together’. The God of all comfort is braving the valley with us. He is providing and embedding people in our lives to comfort us and walk with us.

Then he looked over toward where I was sitting and said “He will never leave you, nor forsake you.”

So he answered me. Obviously and quickly. Of course he did. He’s done so much for me, yet still I ask for more. Another sign. And I know he’s going to keep showing more because he is so gracious. He’s not going to stop loving.

But pray that I have eyes to see what he’s doing. Please pray that I have grace to see beyond this moment of winter.

I just get this picture of Narnia, where it’s always winter (but never christmas!). And as they’re walking along, green patches start to show up through the snow that has covered everything for so long. And it begins to melt. You can see the trees, and then there are flowers popping up everywhere, and birds singing! Slowly but surely, it’s becoming spring.

Pray for spring.

Yearbook Nearing Completion!

Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you know that the Yearbook is nearing completion! However, we are seeing many great photos on Facebook that we would love to use but can't, as the originals were never given to us, and Facebook photos are too low resolution to use in the book. If you have any great originals that you are holding out on, today is the day to email them to me (even if you have to attach one per email) - jimbadke at gmail dot com. We especially need:

• Church ministry photos (youth group, etc.)
• Ministry team overnights photos (Mystic Beach, Ucluelet, Victoria)
• Missions Fest
• Grad (baptism, ceremony, banquet, randoms)

Thanks for your help! Things did slow down on the Yearbook as we were moving out of our house, and now we are in Ucluelet and spending most days on the beach. But we are close to being done, and hope to have them in the mail to you soon. Thanks for your patience and prayers!

Miss you all very much! Please don't be hesitant to contact us - we love to hear from you! Pretty picture from today, near the beach: