update

Hi family. I can't believe how much time has gone by since Kaleo ended. I wish we could have a chapel or something again just to be together. I've wanted to post on here for a while, but have been reluctant too. With things not going well I find it hard to write about whats going on honestly. I wish I could tell about crazy adventures and what not. I guess I haven't wrote anything on here is because i'm scared too. As weird as that sounds. Alright I'll just go for it and if doesn't make sense well at least I got the courage to write whats been happening. Being at home has been a struggle. Being away for a year and a bit and coming back into life at home was a lot different than what I expected it to be. Theres a lot of things I know I could have done but didn't. I have no community here and it's been rough. I don't really know whats going on or really what to think anymore. I've put myself into a box and I'm finding it hard to get out of. I feel trapped and stuck. I worry way more than my own good and I think I have anxiety. The only time I feel at peace is when I'm asleep. I've been doubting in faith as well. It feels as though I forget what I learned in Kaleo. Coming back people just ask me now what and its frustrating. I've been going through a season of frustration and bitterness. I just feel judged all the time. I'm so lost with my future and I know I shouldn't worry and put it in God's hands but its a lot easier said than done. I guess I have forgotten to give everything to God. I'm just super stressed out. I need some prayer right now. There has been a lot of good in the time I've been back. But I feel it gets outweighed by my fears and worries. I've been able to see family so thats been good. I love them a lot but I feel that they don't even know me and then i feel like i'm being judged and i hate it. Hmm. My pastor gave me a book to read called the north face of God and it takes our spiritual journey and uses the image of climbing a mountain to relate to it. I feel as though I have staggered off the path. Meeting with him has been helpful. We talked about social justice and mission trips and it got me excited to talk about that. And because of that Briercrest has been in the back of my mind so I got in contact with them and I'm pretty sure (not 100% sure yet) I'll be heading there in january for the global studies program. It's not the place where i thought i would be going and i'm still so unsure but I think its a big step of faith in trusting God that He will take care of me. It's taken a lot of thinking and deciding so don't laugh at me haha. Briercrest friends you better show me the ropes. i'm counting on you. Well I really don't want to post this but I'm going to. I know its not that long or what not but it feels like weight has been lifted off in posting this. So take it as it is. But really I just want to ask for prayer. here's a lame joke to end on a good note. Where did Noah keep the bee's? In the archives!

update

so i went to emergency and they did a minor procedure there. i am much better now. in almost no pain, praise the Lord. after almost 2 weeks of near constant pain, this feels incredible. umm, still have to meet with a surgeon on december 9th and get a surgery date. not done this journey yet, but way more comfortable for the ride!

hey family.

okay, so i'm just gonna jump in. remember theology of mission and mount washington (the first time) and how i was on the couch all day, err day? well, the same problem is back except bigger and better. and by better, i mean worse. i've been to one class in two weeks cause i can't be on a couch there on my stomach and any other position is uncomfortable at best, unbearable at worst. i've been on antibiotics for the last ten days and while they have brought the infection down, they have not eradicated it and have left me nauseous for the past few days. as a result, it's been decided that i'm going to emergency tomorrow to have a hospital take a look and see if they can do something. i'm also scheduled to meet with a surgeon on december 9th.

it's really taken a toll on me and i am frustrated. i want to be able to walk and sit and stand comfortably. a lot of times, i have quite literally forgotten what comfortable is. the worst part is remembering that last time, i had all of you around me and this time you're not here.

God's heard a lot of whining and pleading from me these past few days but despite many many prayers that this would be taken away, He has not seen fit to remove this affliction. i'm trying to praise Him in the storm but it's hard.

so if you all could pray that surgery wouldn't be a far off thing and that this problem would be dealt with once and for all, that would be awesome. also pray for a minimum of pain in the next few days.

thanks guys.

(trying to) Rest

Catch Us If You Can!

We have seen many of you in the past while, but many we haven't, so I thought it was time for a post. In the past couple of months, we have traveled from Nova Scotia to Victoria, and down to California and back again. If you would like to read about our experiences, you can do so at my personal blog, at http://jimbadke.blogspot.com. It was a good journey, especially as it became a tour of students with a little sight-seeing thrown in. The highlight was definitely visiting with about 90 Kaleo students from all the years, many of whom we have not seen in a long time. We are sorry to have missed seeing the rest of you, and hope that happens soon!

We are back in Victoria, house-sitting and anticipating what God has next for us. To this point, we have no idea what we will be doing after these next few weeks. Mostly, that has been okay, with moments of panic tossed in, and really it has been the story of these past few months. At one point, I think someplace in Ontario, I was sitting in church and the question flashed up on the powerpoint, "What does God want you to do?" So I threw that up to him and said, "Okay God, what do you want me to do?" The answer came back immediately and clearly: "I want you to travel across Canada and visit students." "But God," I said, "that's what I'm doing!" He said, "Exactly."

Waiting on God is not very comfortable, but it is good.

Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:30, 31 ESV).

So, youths and young men, watch out - here we come! Expect us to fly, run or walk by you sometime soon! I am glad that we have not been just waiting around, but God has always given us significant things to do, in anticipation of what he has for us next. Someone was praying for me recently, and he said I should focus more on what God is doing, and not on what he is not doing. So, what is God doing?

Since our return to Victoria he has given us people to visit and experience mutual encouragement with; he has given us a great little church to fellowship with and to witness what he is doing there; and he has given me words to write.

Yes, I am living up to the name you gave me and I am being a Scribe! As well as daily communications and my own blog, I have been writing what may become a book someday, averaging about 1000 words a day. I guess I am about a third of the way through, and that is all I am going to tell you for now!

So, we will appreciate your prayers and we LOVE hearing from you! We will be sure to update you about where God directs us. Love and miss you all!

One more video to join the ranks!

Hey all!

This year's Kaleo has done their OT Lit video! If you want to check it out, here's the link:

http://kaleo2012.blogspot.com/2011/11/old-testament-creative-project.html

Love you all!

Holly

Fun times!

Hey Everyone, I realize I've been posting lotsa stuff lately, whether it be me or other people on my computer (cough) but I wanted to let everyone know that I had my surgery for my Hernia yesterday, and while I'm quite sore, I am thankful for the gift of strong pain killers! I also think that more people should post on here. It doesn't have to be an update every couple of months, this blog is here so that we can be chatting together! It's definitely a good way to share our good times and bad times as we go through life, and most of us still check this blog lots. I love hearing from you guys, whether it's tough stuff, or you're at the top of the world, and I know I'm definitely not the only one: so talk!

B-crest Update

I would like to say that Lynnea is probably the best girl ever! She is so kind, hospitable, and is practically a genius. That is all. Oh ya, I like wearing make-up too which you will be able to see from my new facebook photos.

hello my dear ones.

I'm sitting in a coffee shop in ancaster away from my school because I'm a fool and I make mistakes and I'm ashamed to be there right now.

Redeemer is one of the best choices I've ever made, apart from Kaleo. Its a safe place with rules and stuff but not enough to make you feel like you're in prison. Thats what I like about it. This past month or so going to school there has been great. I've had solid conversations and I've met incredible people.

Yesterday was a rough day though. I cut in half my antidepressant dose a week and a bit ago on my doctor's advice. I really thought that I was fine but yesterday I was a mess. I was mad at everyone and then I went for a walk and cried by myself on a saturday night (super lame). I hadn't cried in ages (apart for when jim came to visit... I cried like a baby when he left). My antidepressants kind of make me unable to cry... It drives me crazy. So when I cry its usually a big deal. So I was grumpy and angry and in tears and I decided to go get a piercing. When I came back I was still feeling awful. I literally walked through a ditch and cried for like an hour until my friend came and found me... Then I went home and thought it would be a great idea to drink my troubles away. I have no idea how much I drank but it was a lot. I don't remember the rest of the night except for a few moments at some party and then puking in a bucket at my house. Redeemer is a dry campus and so now I have to pay a 100 dollar fine. I'm embarrassed and I feel like a fool. My house mates don't know anything about my life because they all have a really fluffy outlook on life and I feel like they wouldn't understand anything. There is no way I can tell them that I put makeup on my arm everyday to hide the fact that I carved the word fat into my skin. I can't tell them that I don't know how to feed myself. I can't tell them that I'm dizzy and tired all the time cause I don't know how to eat. I can't tell them that I have no self respect and I don't value myself whatsoever. I can't tell them that I'm on antidepressants and that me drinking last night wasn't just me being a stupid teenager but really it was all I could do cause I had no one to go to. I can't tell them that I don't like living with them and that I feel judged 24/7. I can't tell them that I'm currently sitting in a coffee shop crying and writing my feelings on a blog that I'm not sure anybody even reads.

I'm sorry that this post makes no sense. I'm sorry I'm a mess. I don't even know what I wanted to accomplish by writing this...

I guess I just want to say how grateful I am for the year we had together. A year of grace.

grace is what I need right now. and prayer and love and support.

The Mothership

Hey Everyone! It's everybody's possibly favorite friend named Logan! Just figured I'd let everyone know how life is going at b-crest here. It's going well. That's all.

No, in actuallity it is going really great though. All of us here have been staying in better contact than I had expected, and the past Kaleo's have also made an effort to get to know us, which is sweet. We've all been doing different things while here, Erik, Heidi, and I have been playing some ultimate frisbee, Meghan's been doing lotsa basketball, Lynnea is on RU (Refined Undignified, a sweet dance team), and Michael joined the Briercrest skydiving team! I made the last one up, but that would be sweet. If you'd like to find out more, then talk to them! I'm gonna continue on about myself.

I've been taking some really good courses this semester, such as History of Christianity, English (it's alright), Foundations of Youth Min, Intro to Greek (Really good, but it may be the death of me, there's so much to learn!)(I can probably read your arm now Bret), and last is Pauline Epistles, a really great course. I've been learning and trying to apply lots of stuff to my life while I've been here, though it's really not easy. I've been realizing how important is to bear good fruit, as well as the importance of community here. I have been feeling myself going through bouts of remembering the purpose that I have here, but with discipline this is something that can be worked through.

Last of all I want to thank you all for everything that you guys taught me last year about myself and God. It was by no means a perfect year, but I often see it as the best year of my life. I miss you and am very grateful for the people that all of you are.

Your brother,
Logan

Frands, update on saraii

To update you all on my life. I finished a summer at Qwanoes and a season where different foreigners where staying at my house for weeks following this and I found myself tired of people and faking it all. I just needed rest after Kaleo and everything! Ahhh!

Now, the Aussies and Kiwis are gone and I am starting to be obsessed with going to the gym and health and got a job at HMV. My first shift is today. I honestly wish I was back in school studying the bible and changing the world and studying cultures but I am stuck and I hate here, I got this job but don't know how because I never keep up with the media. I hope I can make a difference there.

I was praying for direction right after summer because so often I considering leaving and traveling this year and I heard "one year" in my heart. I am thinking that my family needs me, especially my younger twin brothers who both have girlfriends(pray for their purity) for this year, I need your prayers to stick this one out. You all know how much of a flake I am.

I am so done with life at times, and I don't know why God has kept me alive for this long.

Mostly, I am dreading this year but pray that I find myself delighting in the Lord and this season of work I have to do. I am now starting to work with Youth For Christ spending time with homeless youth in my city on Wednesday nights- this is the only thing I look forward to within my week. Pray that God uses me there.

I am so envious of people who go to TWU and there parents pay for everything... I wish I wish I wish :(

My church is nice, I considered becoming a youth leader but found my heart wasn't in it for the girls who are so immersed in culture as well as I didn't have enough time with work, I need a group of Christians that are devoted to the Lord. My brother and his wife are pretty devoted to being with my sister(which is great!) so I don't have them most of the time. Please pray that I find Christian community, I am so tired of doing this alone. Pray that I have grace with my sister who I am thinking is very legalistic and still finding her way in her faith, she tends to hurt my feelings a lot.

Kaleo's I miss you all and pray that you are falling deeper in love with God, even if it is through hardship like me.

I wish I was serving the widows, poor, oppressed, healing the blind in India or Africa, my heart hurts for being overseas with the church that is not lukewarm but rather dying for their faith but I am here and am blessed with a big pretty house now(i am unworthy) and striving for desperation for Jesus.

JUST LOVE ME!!(prayers puleaase)

I love you all, family!